Sh*t your kids have said to strangers

In the public pool with my 6 year old daughter. 

 

She yells to her friend:

 

"Let's play the game where we have to touch my dad's penis!"

Canooke -
Liddz - My son asked a short bald guy if he was a baby man

LOL

I started laughing out loud in doctor's office today after reading that again.   

N

We went to Disneyland about 5 years ago and I bought my daughter some capri pants. She was telling me that her teacher wore those kind of pants all the time, but she called them knickers and we were commenting on how popular they were. So a day later we're in a mall in Lakewood, CA walking out of JC Penny's and these three black chicks walk out in front of us, all of them in capri pants. My daughter points at them and goes "Look dad, more knickers!"

Whoops.

Not mine but a friend of mine who is really wealthy, his dad is a client of mine and how we met. He grew up on St. Simon's Island and had a made and such, well the staff lived in Brunswick which is right near the island. The only interaction he had with black folks growing up was with the staff, well they were at Disney world when he was around 6. Now keep in mind he grew up really proper, just a little sheltered from the "real world."  He went up to a black man while in line at Disney and said "hello  my name is John Smith, pleasure to meet you , we are from St. Simon's, you must be from Brunswick." He just assumed all black people were from Brunswick, he's a doctor now and his dad never misses a chance to tell that story.

I took my kid to go to a public  bathroom when he was still potty training and someone in another stall was cutting loose. My son starts screaming "Who did that?!! Hey, who did that!!" The guy went silent and I was crying just trying not to laugh. 

Had my 3 year old girl in the shopping cart a little while ago and she picked a pack of bacon out of it and started waving it at a woman in the checkout queue shouting “LOOK LADY, MEAT”!

 

that was pretty weird.

jonnyjitsu uktt - 

Had my 3 year old girl in the shopping cart a little while ago and she picked a pack of bacon out of it and started waving it at a woman in the checkout queue shouting “LOOK LADY, MEAT”!

 

that was pretty weird.


LOL this is my favorite story because your 3 year old daughter sounds just like a drunk 44 year old me.

I was stationed at Osan AFB on Korea when my daughter was 6.  Took her out to the pizza joint off base one Saturday night.  Lots of folks out shopping and walking by the window.  Predominantly black.  In comes a party of about 8 that sat behind us.  I could tell she was curious about something so I asked her.  

She says “daddy, why are there so many brown people around here?”  She wasn’t quiet about it either.  Pretty much melted in my seat trying to get away.

A frined of mine told me about his son when he was like 3.

kid: (mumbling something towards the corner of the room)

my friend: Hmm?

kid: I was asking her.

my friend: (looks around) Who?

kid: You don't see that woman in the corner?

My friend said he's never been so scared in his life. His kid, now 11, has never had an imaginary friend before or since.

When she was about 3 years old and I was holding her while standing in line at a breakfast restaurant, and she pointed to the midget in line behind us and said "What's that?"

TheDarkPassenger -

I took my kid to go to a public  bathroom when he was still potty training and someone in another stall was cutting loose. My son starts screaming "Who did that?!! Hey, who did that!!" The guy went silent and I was crying just trying not to laugh. 

not sure why i'm laughing so hard at this.

1 Like

When my son was 4 he was having stiches put in his hand at the emerg. He punched a small glass window out of anger. The doctor was taking so fucking long that my son looked at him with demon eyes and yelled, "finish it already." 

Rather than oppologize i told the doctor to wrap it up, this taking too long. Goddamn rookie.

My two year old son says “whaddya doing that for?!?” Like an incredulous old borscht belt lady comedian.  

 

When my son was about 3 or 4 we saw an old Arabic guy at the store with a long beard and he loudly said "look dad it's Santa claus!!!"

Lol

Another time around the same age we saw a very short handicapped guy at the grocery store who could barely walk and was about as tall as the shopping cart, and again, loudly, said "look dad a little old man!!!"

The guy was probably in his mid twenties. 

Ah good (embarrassing) times

My brothers wife’s 4yr old nephew had some sort of surgery, and was on pain meds. The parents had to travel with him, and were waiting on a flight in an airport. In walks an Arabian man wearing a towel on his head, the loopy kid points at him and yells “Derka Derka Derka Derk” with the accent and all. I love this story.

My 2 year old son and his older brother sometimes listens to the apple pen song with the asian gentleman. We were at a chinese restaurant and when the waiter came to our table for orders, my 2 year old pointed at him and said apple pen and started singing it. 

I once told an old dude that scolded us for some fuckery we were up to "You're not my dad. You can't tell me what to do!"

He walked away. I thought it worked. My dad kicked my ass when I came home.

Today at the park, my oldest goes up to a family

”Hi, I’m [insert name] and I’m 8 years old.  This is my little sister, she’s 5.  We live in [name of town] but my Dad says I shouldn’t tell you that or anything about our family because you might be bad guys who’ll try to hurt us and then he would kill you and have to go to jail”

Shocked suburban family stares at me like I’m a monster.  What can I do other than shrug and waive?

1 Like