Shit my shorts.

Stomach flu is going through the house.

I knew I was in trouble after shitting through the eye of a needle 5 or 6 times today.

Laid down and woke to shitting the bed.

Screamed for the wife to get me a towel and she comes through the door with one of the kids pillow cases.

Soaked through our duvet and without that towel she eventually grabbed I would have left a trail on our nice carpet.

So in the spirit of this wonderful new school season, I thought I would remind you fucks to wash your kids up when they get home and sanitize the most common handles they touch.

Because it's likely they don't at their school.

brb I'm headed back to autograph our disgusting water saving toilet that never seems to want to eat shit. Phone Post 3.0

I projectile shit on a wall once when I had the flu. I'd just gotten out of the shower and bent over to vomit in the toilet. As I was vomiting I blasted the wall with liquid death. One of the worst things I've ever smelled.

pud12 - I projectile shit on a wall once when I had the flu. I'd just gotten out of the shower and bent over to vomit in the toilet. As I was vomiting I blasted the wall with liquid death. One of the worst things I've ever smelled.
Have a VTFU for that. Such an achievement is a rare thing. Phone Post 3.0

pud12 - I projectile shit on a wall once when I had the flu. I'd just gotten out of the shower and bent over to vomit in the toilet. As I was vomiting I blasted the wall with liquid death. One of the worst things I've ever smelled.
Just wow! Phone Post 3.0

pud12 - I projectile shit on a wall once when I had the flu. I'd just gotten out of the shower and bent over to vomit in the toilet. As I was vomiting I blasted the wall with liquid death. One of the worst things I've ever smelled.
Phone Post 3.0

pics

Z NEDCMK1 -


Cool story.

More of a warning. Every year when school starts we have a virus run through the house.

Daughter came home from a track meet because she's throwing up. My younger son was sick to his stomach a few days ago.

Some extra cleaning could help. Phone Post 3.0

lol... this is why I love the OG

The Popeye - pics
Sorry I wasn't prepared, I've never shit myself while sleeping.

Wife probably thinks I'm a bitch the way I was yelling for a towel.

Next time pics will be had. Phone Post 3.0

Son you done got that stanky leg ebola. RIP. Phone Post 3.0

Also like to add don't buy a water saving toilet unless you are prepared to scrub your autographs off every time you shit.

I've scrubbed and knew it was clean. MIL went in right after and yes nice big stain on my clean inner bowl.

The colours an old lady can produce will rattle your very soul. Not to mention has the consistency of gorilla glue. Phone Post 3.0

donfryesmustacheBBC - 
pud12 - I projectile shit on a wall once when I had the flu. I'd just gotten out of the shower and bent over to vomit in the toilet. As I was vomiting I blasted the wall with liquid death. One of the worst things I've ever smelled.
Phone Post 3.0

This isn't far from what happened.

How does one shit through the eye of a needle? Sounds incredibly painful.

pud12 - I projectile shit on a wall once when I had the flu. I'd just gotten out of the shower and bent over to vomit in the toilet. As I was vomiting I blasted the wall with liquid death. One of the worst things I've ever smelled.
Omg this is why I love the OG. Have me LOLing in my office. Now everyone is staring at me. Oh well! Phone Post 3.0

CurtisTheConqueror - 
pud12 - I projectile shit on a wall once when I had the flu. I'd just gotten out of the shower and bent over to vomit in the toilet. As I was vomiting I blasted the wall with liquid death. One of the worst things I've ever smelled.
Omg this is why I love the OG. Have me LOLing in my office. Now everyone is staring at me. Oh well! Phone Post 3.0

Haha glad it made you and some others laugh.


Being stark naked surrounded by your own shit and vomit is a humbling experience.

fahker - 
The Popeye - pics
Sorry I wasn't prepared, I've never shit myself while sleeping.

Wife probably thinks I'm a bitch the way I was yelling for a towel.

Next time pics will be had. Phone Post 3.0

We don't want your apologies and empty promises you have let us down!

ximboredofyoux - How does one shit through the eye of a needle? Sounds incredibly painful.
Not sure if serious? Phone Post 3.0

bigbenpie2 -
ximboredofyoux - How does one shit through the eye of a needle? Sounds incredibly painful.
Not sure if serious? Phone Post 3.0
Are you thinking the needle goes inside your ass too accomplish this? Lol Phone Post 3.0

fahker - 
bigbenpie2 -
ximboredofyoux - How does one shit through the eye of a needle? Sounds incredibly painful.
Not sure if serious? Phone Post 3.0
Are you thinking the needle goes inside your ass too accomplish this? Lol Phone Post 3.0

I've never heard of that.