Some Science Jokes

A neutron walks into a bar and asks the bartender, “How much for a drink?”
“For you, sir, no charge!”

 

What's 2 times 2?
Physicist: “After some measurements I am fairly sure it is somewhere between 3.81 and 4.13!”
Mathematician: “After some consideration I can now prove that the solution exists!”
Engineer: “4, obviously, but lets make it 5, just to be on the safe side.”
 

Three logicians walk into a bar. “You all want a beer?” the bartender asks.
“I don’t know,” says the first logician.
“I don’t know either,” says the second logician.
Says the third logician, “If that’s the case, then we all want a beer.”

 

Atom 1: “I think I lost one of my electrons somewhere.”
Atom 2: “Are you sure?”
Atom 1: ”Yes, I’m positive!”
 

A neutrino walks through a bar.

 

A photon checks into a hotel. “Do you need help with your luggage?” the clerk asks.
“No thanks, I’m travelling light.”
 

A mathematician walks into a bar. “I’ll have a pint, and then half a pint and then a quarter of a pint and then an eighth of a pint-”
The bartender, who is also a mathematician, interrupts him, “Two pints, coming right up!”

 

A biologist, a physicist and a mathematician travel together by train. Right after entering Scotland they see a black sheep standing on top of a hill.
“Look at that,” says the biologist. “Apparently the sheep in Scotland are black.”
“Nonsense!” says the physicist. “All we can say for sure is that there is one sheep in Scotland that’s black.”
“I am afraid you are both wrong,” the mathematician explains. “The only thing that is certain is that there is a sheep in Scotland, which is black on at least one side.”
 

There are two types of people in the world.
Those who can extrapolate from from incomplete data.

 

What is the value of the contour integral around Western Europe?
Zero, all the Poles are in Eastern Europe.
 

Why were the Romans so bad at algebra?
They always ended up with X equals 10.

 

“I never get any good data. Sometimes I think the particle accelerator hates me.”
“Never anthropomorphize machines. They hate that.”

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Also my new pickup line is going to be "You can call me helicase cause I'm about to unzip your genes."

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Creationist jokes are for another thread. Phone Post 3.0

As a computer science grad I appreciate this thread.

Now to send to my nerd friends. Phone Post 3.0

I can't be the only one who sat here and tried to make up their own. Shits above my pay grade. Back to poo poo ca ca jokes Phone Post 3.0

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Take all your science jokes and barium. Phone Post 3.0

A manager, an engineer, and a software developer are returning from a convention. As they are driving down the peak of a mountain the brakes fail and the goes careening down the road, bouncing off several guard rails before stopping at the bottom.

All three get out of the car, amazingly unhurt. The manager says "I think we should hold a meeting to discuss the possible solutions to our problem."

The engineer says, "I think we should disassemble the car and do a structural analysis on each part to determine the cause."

The software developer says, "Let's push it up to the top and try it again."

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Two men walk into a bar. One man orders H2O.
The other says "I'll have H2O, too"

The second man dies Phone Post 3.0

VU OP for classing up the place. I enjoyed those. Phone Post 3.0

My physics teacher told me I had a lot of potential.
Then he pushed me off a roof. Phone Post 3.0

The traveling light joke was a real groaner.

The two pints joke was a winner, however.

I enjoyed the black sheep one the best because it cleverly depicts the use of the scientific method among different groups of scientists (although a biologist might feel slandered for the unfair portrayal of their field!)

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I tell try to tell chemistry jokes... But I get no REACTION! Phone Post 3.0

Programming is like sex:  One mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life.
 
To understand what recursion is, you must first understand recursion.
 
Whats the object-oriented way to become wealthy?  Inheritance
 
“Knock, knock.” .....“Who’s there?”   ***very long pause….****    “Java!”

onepunch gangnamstyle - Two men walk into a bar. One man orders H2O.
The other says "I'll have H2O, too"

The second man dies Phone Post 3.0
my favourite nerd joke ever. Phone Post 3.0