Something I'm learning to do

"What must die in every pastor is the subconscious desire to please people. What must not die is the will to love. There's the risk" -David Hansen,The Art Of Pastoring.

Something that I've learned recently. and something I've told my people. "As much as i want to try and make all of you happy, i know it's going to be immpossible. There is going to come a time when I am going to let you down or dissapoint some of you.That's not my intention. Thats not my intention, and I will try my hardest. But there are some things I'm just not going to be able to do.But that doesnt mean that i don't care or that i think your concerns are unimportant".

yours in Christ

sherm

PS

That is why I never wanted to be a priest. Too much responsability.

I don't agree with that statement at all. In fact, I consider that statement injurious to the relationship between a pastor and his flock.

I think what the author should have written was the desire to love and minister should always supercede the desire merely to please people. The latter means one will withhold the truth when truth might hurt.

Nothing wrong with pleasing people. Plenty wrong when it's a primary motivation. That's co-dependency.

Donna,

"That is why I never wanted to be a priest."

Come on...it's the fashion you detest...admit it.

Rastus

If you knew me, you´d know that I don´t give a penny to fashion.

"you´d know that I don´t give a penny to fashion."

Me either

"If you knew me..."

I know you a little better now....

rastus, the point I'm making is, no matter how hard i try and no matter how much I want to...sometimes it's impossible to make evry single person i deal with happy all the time. Do you mean to say that you've never let anybody down, even if thats not what you were trying to do.

yours in Christ

sherm

PS

Just remember that Jesus didn´t achieve this impossible goal of making everyone happy.

Why would you be different?

Sherm,

"no matter how hard i try and no matter how much I want to...sometimes it's impossible to make evry single person i deal with happy all the time."

I think trying to please everybody as a priority is a one-way ticket to unhappiness.

"Do you mean to say that you've never let anybody down, even if thats not what you were trying to do. "

Sure I have, but that gives them an opportunity to exercise forgiveness...or are they going to get passive-aggressive and snipey with me? Are they going to shrug it off and move forward? Are they going to get angry and distance themselves from me?

It's just a part of relationships, as inevitable as any other facet.

Is there something specific that's bugging you?

"Just remember that Jesus didn´t achieve this impossible goal of making everyone happy. "

Nor would he try...he had more important things to do than be an emotional chamelian, blending himself and his behavior to be the perfect mirror of narcissus. We abdicate our soul with that behavior.

LOL well heres an example. i have a person who is terminally ill, i've been spending alot of time with her. then i have people trying to reach me so i can talk with them about a pet that died and another who's got car problems. I understand that those concerns are important to them. And i will pray for them, but this woman and her family is a priority for me right now.

yours in Christ

sherm

Car problems definitely are not spiritual problems.

Wow, Sherm...now I understand better where you're coming from.

Quite frankly, I don't think I'm qualified to offer a meaningful opinion. I would strongly suggest networking with other pastors and professionals who DO have to live this type of lifestyle (which I'd imagine is tremendously taxing, personally).

I'm sure alot of prayer will help as well.

What I would NOT do is let it wear you down. If you do, two things will happen - 1, you'll become an emotional wreck which will mean that 2, your ability to minister to these people AND your family will be severely compromized.

This is serious stuff, so I would highly suggest, my friend, that you get yourself a support system of highly trained and experience professionals.

Learn to say "no". Without guilty.

Also, listen to Rastus advices. ;-)

good adive scott

Donna i'm learning that you can indeed say NO with love

yours in Christ

sherm

I agree wholeheartedly. That idea applies to alot of other things as well. You give someone the real deal, not a watered-down version to appease everyone.