Starting my new job tomorrow. Wat do?

So I believe that being the new guy in the office is a lot like being the new guy in prison as you need to establish yourself right away so what are some suggestions for the new guy in the office?

Should I kick the shit out of my boss as soon as orientation is done?

Find the office hottie, lick the side of her face and be like "Youre welcome"?

Eat everyone's lunch out of the fridge in the break room?

As I said, wat do? Phone Post 3.0

Mount your division director. Phone Post 3.0

Middle stall someone Phone Post 3.0

Bring donuts for the fatties Phone Post 3.0

Jerk off on everything. Phone Post 3.0

i like to introduce myself to my new boss as his future boss. tell him that during your time under him you will be evaluating him and will make a decision to keep him or not when you are in charge based on how you feel about him as a manager.
Yes eat his lunch too. Also don't forget to walk around like you are jacked and say "sup" to everyone you pass.

Cucumber in the slacks! Get them all talking. Phone Post 3.0

Stay up all night, go in tomorrow hopped up on redbull and coffee.

Arrive in the nude, it shows dominance.

Cocaine. Lots and lots of Cocaine. Phone Post 3.0

You should stand on your desk and say

" IF ANY OF YOU MOTHERFUCKERS GOT A PROBLEM THEN LET IT BE KNOWN, IM HERE, IM QUEER, AND ILL FUCK ALL OF YOU! " Phone Post 3.0

jdindiana - Bring donuts for the fatties Phone Post 3.0
A box with one inside. I loved that thread. Phone Post 3.0

ImaLilFruitCup - Same here man..I went in there like I knew everything(which I pretty much did) but made sure ppl knew..I talked to all the employees at one time along with the bosses and pretty much showed my dominance and said I'm here work hard and to better my life and make each day easier for my team and to help them succeed too..they think I'm the shit lmao..really though I just want to go home everyday..it's like sucking your stomach in the whole day then you leave and are like blaaaaaaaaah Phone Post 3.0
I work with you. We all think your a cunt Phone Post 3.0

B17 - Kill 3-8 people Phone Post 3.0
Hmmm .... I think 8 is too many. 2-5 is the magic range IMO. Phone Post 3.0

UGCTT_Phat Bastard -
jdindiana - Bring donuts for the fatties Phone Post 3.0
A box with one inside. I loved that thread. Phone Post 3.0
Lol. He's gotta establish trust before working that troll Phone Post 3.0

Immediately begin to establish, through proof in the pudding, that you are the best at what you do (your job); and then lead other people, regardless of how long they've been at the company, into doing what you do best.

Employees who make other employees more valuable are invaluable.

clattymine -
B17 - Kill 3-8 people Phone Post 3.0
Hmmm .... I think 8 is too many. 2-5 is the magic range IMO. Phone Post 3.0
Agreed.

Eight is way over the top. Phone Post 3.0

What do you do for a living and what kind of job is it? You don't walk into a Level 4 prison the same way you would a Level 1

UGCTT_Fraser_Finlay -  ^ You can tell Buffer loves to introduce Hardy. He always gets so pumped up lol. Phone Post


 I know, dare I say the excitement between those two is......Cute.

PUMP IRON before you go the office.

Flex and flex some more once you get there.

Go up to the hottest woman in the office and kiss her forcefully.