Starting my new job tomorrow. Wat do?

Try not to ask too many questions.

Its annoying as shit and they dont really care if you learn new shit right away.

Touch yourself often with a confusing look on your face. Phone Post 3.0

Show up with an ear piece in your ear, every once in a while act like your talking into your cuff button, then press your finger to your ear, and act like your having a hard time hearing.

Afterwards, as you meet each person, act like your trying to coyly look at their personal stuff, then walk away, whispering into your cuff button.

Take a boner pill or two, get an erection at everything, point to the nearest woman each time and say thanks, this one's yours. Phone Post 3.0

Nitecrawler - So I believe that being the new guy in the office is a lot like being the new guy in prison as you need to establish yourself right away so what are some suggestions for the new guy in the office?

Should I kick the shit out of my boss as soon as orientation is done?

Find the office hottie, lick the side of her face and be like "Youre welcome"?

Eat everyone's lunch out of the fridge in the break room?

As I said, wat do? Phone Post 3.0


Eat all the food in the fridge. That'll show em. Phone Post 3.0

How ya' doin', stretch?

Be yourself and smile :) have a great first day :) Phone Post 3.0

Fuck the head of HR. Assert your dominance. Phone Post 3.0

Introduce yourself to everyone you meet, be chill and calm. Ask a lot of questions but don't be annoying. Don't be a dick. Phone Post 3.0

im starting my new job tomorrow too!

Ask to borrow a pen and keep it. That'll show those fucking idiots that you aren't messing around. Phone Post 3.0

Have you picked out your two suits to wear?

Nitecrawler -
clattymine -
B17 - Kill 3-8 people Phone Post 3.0
Hmmm .... I think 8 is too many. 2-5 is the magic range IMO. Phone Post 3.0
Agreed.

Eight is way over the top. Phone Post 3.0
Admin season, FIRE!!!

Phone Post 3.0

Find the biggest, blackest guy at the office. Immediately get in his face and ask him if he's got a problem. Yell it when you ask. No matter what his answer is, hit him in the face as hard as you can. Then take his desk stapler and break it over your head. Spend the rest of the day with your dick hanging out of your pants. Phone Post 3.0

I have yet to see this mentioned; ask all those above you in the the corporate pyramid if they have kids, follow up with "how old?" Wait for the answer-no matter what it is-"My body is ready."

Good luck Phone Post 3.0

Take everyone's stapler Phone Post 3.0

If you manage a team, call a staff meeting immediately. Say that by the end of the month there will be reductions. At least one, but maybe more positions will be eliminated. The interview begins now. Everything you do will be evaluated. You are hosting a BBQ next weekend, attendance isn't mandatory but will be noted. Tell people to "bring something good."

Anytime you go into a meeting, go to someone sitting in a seat and stare them down saying "you're in my spot" even if every other chair is open.

If the boss is male, walk up to him and lunch him square in the face while yelling "fuck the og" over and over. If female, whip out your cock and swing it around (you're a mod so I'm assuming you have a longer cock than the og norm of 12 inches) while yelling "fuck the og". IMHO, that'll show them you are no nonsense worker who goes 110% all the time.

clattymine - Jerk off on everything. Phone Post 3.0
Came... Here to say this. Phone Post 3.0