Testicle-Attacking Monster Fish

Scandinavian Swimmers Warned About Testicle-Attacking Monster Fish

A testicle-crushing vegetarian monster fish from South America has invaded the waters off Scandinavia. Last week, fisherman in the Oresund Sound between Sweden and Denmark reeled in a pacu, a fish best known for its sharp teeth and occasional attacks on male genitalia.

Experts at the Natural Museum of Denmark announced the catch this week.

“The pacu is not normally dangerous to people but it has quite a serious bite. There have been incidents in other countries, such as Papua New Guinea, where some men have had their testicles bitten off,” Henrik Carl, one of the museum's fish experts, told Sweden's The Local. “They bite because they're hungry, and testicles sit nicely in their mouth.”

Carl went on, explaining that testicles aren't part of the pacu's usual diet, which is primarily vegetarian. “Its mouth is not so big, so of course it normally eats nuts, fruit, and small fish, but human testicles are just a natural target.”

According to Carl, the pacu is nearly indistinguishable from the piranha, except in one way: its teeth are “flatter and stronger [than the piranha's], perfect for crushing.”

The fish, which is usually found in the Amazon river, was likely dumped into Scandinavian waters by an amateur fish collector, according another expert at the museum.

But what can male swimmers in Scandinavia do to protect themselves? “Keep your swimsuit on in the Sound these days – maybe there are few more out there,” Carl said. “It's not normal to get your testicles bitten off, of course, but it can happen, especially now in Sweden."

Scandinavian Swimmers Warned About Testicle-Attacking Monster Fish

Hey, doesn't everyone love Swedish meatballs too? Phone Post

this is its teeth. for reals



W T F^

Fuck that we should hunt down these bastards Phone Post

Someone needs to teach these godless bastards proper fellatio etiquette. Phone Post 3.0

They did an episode of River Monsters on this fish. It's on Netflix, I think the episode is called "The Mangler."