The last time you shat yourself

I'll go first. 

 

 

Was driving to work one morning in april when I ate some risky hash browns from A&W. shortly thereafter I turned east on the road and the sun hit my eyes, immediately I sneezed and some shit came out whilst driving. I returned home hastily, showered, showed up a bit late to work and knocked the rest of the day out of the fucking park 

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Last week of April, we all went to eat for my Brother's birthday at his favorite BBQ spot.  The next day the bubble guts started rumbling.  No big deal until later that night.  I normally sleep on my stomach and in the middle of the night, I felt the warm sensation on my ass.  I knew immediately we had a CODE BROWN in progress.  I had to slide off the bed on my stomach to stand up and clinched my ass together.  I shit on my favorite Under Armour camo shorts and finished up in the restroom.  The girl who stayed with me couldn't stop laughing when she woke up and found out what was going on.  Threw the shorts outside on the back patio and ended up washing them outside with a garden hose the next morning.  I eventually threw them in the washer.  No way was I letting a lil' shit between me and my favorite shorts.

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I've posted this before, it's been a couple years though, I hope you enjoy. 

 

Let me set the stage, I'm 16, I think I'm the funniest person alive. I'm spending the summer with my Uncle (a hippy) in VA, and his then Girlfriend. They have friends over almost everyday and night hanging out, we're all drinking and smoking a little shitty weed and I start to think this chick Martha (who had huge cans) is starting to like me because I'm so cute/funny.

 

We decide to go to a music festival in Richmond, about 1.5 hours away. So we stop at an "Italian" restaurant named Luigies before the journey, I get a meatball calzone and proceed to make everyone laugh all afternoon and at the restaurant.  We take off and about 30 minutes into the ride as I'm trying to smooth talk Martha in the back seat I feel the rumble start. Not good. So not wanting to alert Martha to the shit storm brewing in my belly I try to tough it out. What happens next is tragic.

 

We get about another 30 minutes in and my stomach is gurgling almost audibly over the music, I can't hold it, the storm is too mighty for my o-ring.  I tap my Uncle on the shoulder and casually whisper to him asking if he can hit a rest stop as I need to go. He yells back "just hold it we'll be there in a few minutes" 

 

I'm starting to panic, I know I won't make it. I completely lose my cool, and start to lose the battle at sphincter pass.  

 

I blurt out probably in the voice of a child thinking they'll never see their parents again "pull over"

 

He turns the radio down sensing the gravity of the situation, and says what?

 

I then yell pull over! Let me out!

 

He almost doesn't understand my complete and utter terror and panic.

 

He starts to switch lanes, not fast enough for me, so I scream "pull over!"

 

He calmly says I'm getting over to which I reply " it's leaking out!" The look on Martha's face as I screamed and she must have noticed my pain will never leave me.

 

I further stress that he needs to pull over by screaming "I can smell it!" 

 

It was then that we hit the shoulder and being on the wrong side to climb directly out Martha jumps out with the car slowing to a stop and drags her feet for a few feet before the car stopped completely. I squirm out knowing that I'm filling my boxers with every move I make.

 

I run behind a tree and unleash hell, I use both socks and my tee shirt to clean up the crime scene but it's not enough. 

 

I have to call for my uncle to bring more resources for the final cleaning. He obliges by giving me his shirt, which I use every inch of.

 

I then ask for something to wear, as everything of mine was soiled.

 

He returns with a shirt from his trunk, which I put on like shorts and shamefully walk back to the car, almost in tears of embarrassment. 

 

We decide I'm no longer dressed for the music festival and wind up driving the hour plus way back to his house with the windows down in total silence.  

 

I don't think I have to tell you that I didn't hook up with Martha, but I did walk away with a great story!

 

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Jesus christ what a story. Shitty situation no doubt 

Happened to me twice in the same hotel while visiting Ukraine. For some reason I couldn't hold it and shit in my pants and it went down my pant leg and all over the floor. I showered and then cleaned it up the best I could off the carpet.

 

Two days later, in the same hotel, in the same room, it happened again. I was drinking the second time but was sober the first. Everytime I entered the door of my hotel room I had the urge to shit and literally had to rush to the bathroom and poop was coming out while I was in the midst of sitting. 95% of the time I made it, 5% I didn't. It was pretty inexplicable and I eventually changed to a different hotel and was fine. 

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yesterday. food poisoning sucks.

Not in a while.

I can tell you this.

My neice who is 10 made baby cupcakes yesterday and put s sh*t ton of blue icing on top of them.

She said she made them for me and I ate them all.

My poop is a nice neon green this morning.

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1998. I will never forget it. I was at work, walking a client around when I felt the need to shit. Figured I could hold it, but the guy asked question and question and I kind of forgot I was holding in a turd. We finally got done and I walked him out to his car. I never made it in from the parking lot. Thankfully, I was a little dehydrated and the shit came out like deer pellets. They ran down my leg so I kicked them under cars. Went in the restroom and took a slut shower in the handicap stall.

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TL/DR version: Went to Mexico and shit myself on the way home

FRAT version:

When I was about 16, I went to Mexico for spring break with my friend’s family. I’m sure this isnt the first story about crapping yourself that starts this way, but still.

We were in San Felipe, riding quads and ATCs on the beach, camping out, eating in town, and drinking every chance we got. I wasnt smart enough to know I shouldnt have ice in my margaritas, even though I knew not to drink the water. Again, I was 16.

I was sleeping in the bed of the truck on the way home, and my friends Dad was pulling a camping trailer behind us. It was after midnight, and a car had broken down in the slow lane. As we came around a bend, and he had to swerve to miss it. The trailer whipped out, and exploded into the car, spreading our stuff all over the freeway.

Thankfully, no one was hurt. My stomach was in knots, though.

I was trying to help collect our stuff, but could tell I was short of time before I had to go. The CHP was on their way, so I figured I would sneak up the side of the hill along the freeway and take care of buisness. I was trying to be casual about it, but it felt like it was coming out regardless of my pants being up or down. As soon as they were down, I leaned forward, and just that little bit of forward pressure forced it to spray out like a fragment grenade. My shoes, socks, the bottom of my t shirt, my shorts, and underwear…all covered. The back of my legs were hot from it, and it was literally pouring down my ankles. Before I could even start to devise a plan, the red and blue lights are illuminating the area enough that you can see me up there. Then, the spot light hits me. Looking suspicious is probably an understatement from their point of view.

The CHP got on the loud speaker, telling me to come back down, and no fucking way was I complying. Who knows what he thought I was doing, but he wouldnt let anyone come up there, and was telling me to walk back down with my hands in the air. I finally had to just yell out at him that I just shit myself, and I was covered in it, before he finally let my friends MOM bring me something to clean up with. My bag was destroyed on the freeway, so I had to put on some of his Dads clothes. Sitting there for a few hours, covered in my own shit, wearing 1980s style sweats 3X my size, and sick to my stomach. No one would come near me, and we still had an hour left to get home.

I hate Mexico.

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I've had some farts that went a little too far and left a bit of the brown stuff in me drawers, But I've never taken a full on shit in my pants. I've had some very close calls. But the butt clenching and tolerance for pain has kept me off the list of pants poopers.

Let's be honest, it won't be the last time.

Came close just now.  Stomach flu.  Both ends.  Sitting on the bathroom floor as I type this

Full blown shit I can't remember...... seriously. Shart ever couple years but full blown shit the pants had to be when I was like 11, and I got food poisoning from an Applebee's up north the first night of a weekend boating trip. Up all night just destroyed every towel. Had to leave for home in the morning and I could even keep it together before we got in the truck. The rest is a blur. My poor mom and dad having everything ruined from a kids pizza lol

I'd have to start with " the first time" cause I don't recall it happening.....maybe as a kid with explosive diahrea.. ?

I shart like once a week

Erik Apple -

I shart like once a week

Haha

 

i was mowing my lawn back in college. The night before my roommates and I cleaned out our freezer from that years hunting season. 5 of us ate nothing but venison, duck, goose, dove and red fish. All that and a bunch of natural light. 

 

Anyways, it's a hot 95 degree summer Texas day. I'm mowing the lawn and I get the urge to slam. I'm thinking this isn't that bad. I can finish the yard. I'm almost done anyway. 30 seconds later my gut spasms and I'm thinking, ok I can't finish the yard but I can finish this end of the yard. Then without a seconds warning shit comes out. 

 

I squeeze my ass cheeks together with all my might. Literally my cheeks were holding liquid shit inside my colon. I hobble with haste inside and immediately turn left to the nearest bathroom. It's one of those situations where all my clothes were coming off as I'm going to the bathroom. I make it to the commode and as my body turns to make the 180 to sit down my ass unleashes hell. 

 

I hit everything with shit. The toilet the wall next to the toilet underneath the toilet the sink. And it wasn't over. I was sitting in shit and letting out an Uncontrollable disaster for the next several minutes. Easily the most stressful and scariest moment of my life. 

 

One of my roommates was home and starts screaming bc of the smell. He has to get in his truck and leave for several hours. I spend the rest of the afternoon cleaning.  That bath room was condemned all summer. 

 

May have been the last time I drank natty lite. 

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Wasn't a shitting themselves story but I seem to recall someone posting a funny story about being on a plane with co-workers and having to go really bad.  The unfortunate part was that it was a small plane and the toilet was actually under one of the seats already occupied by one of his (female I believe) co-workers.

the_shrike -

Came close just now.  Stomach flu.  Both ends.  Sitting on the bathroom floor as I type this

You're gonna give yourself pink eye. 

kinson -
Erik Apple -

I shart like once a week

Haha

 

i was mowing my lawn back in college. The night before my roommates and I cleaned out our freezer from that years hunting season. 5 of us ate nothing but venison, duck, goose, dove and red fish. All that and a bunch of natural light. 

 

Anyways, it's a hot 95 degree summer Texas day. I'm mowing the lawn and I get the urge to slam. I'm thinking this isn't that bad. I can finish the yard. I'm almost done anyway. 30 seconds later my gut spasms and I'm thinking, ok I can't finish the yard but I can finish this end of the yard. Then without a seconds warning shit comes out. 

 

I squeeze my ass cheeks together with all my might. Literally my cheeks were holding liquid shit inside my colon. I hobble with haste inside and immediately turn left to the nearest bathroom. It's one of those situations where all my clothes were coming off as I'm going to the bathroom. I make it to the commode and as my body turns to make the 180 to sit down my ass unleashes hell. 

 

I hit everything with shit. The toilet the wall next to the toilet underneath the toilet the sink. And it wasn't over. I was sitting in shit and letting out an Uncontrollable disaster for the next several minutes. Easily the most stressful and scariest moment of my life. 

 

One of my roommates was home and starts screaming bc of the smell. He has to get in his truck and leave for several hours. I spend the rest of the afternoon cleaning.  That bath room was condemned all summer. 

 

May have been the last time I drank natty lite. 

This is the greatest thing posted ever lol

I love these threads.

 

I have not shit myself since 1st grade.

 

I have unloaded in a hurried fashion in more bushes/alley/side of the road than i can remember, but nothing compared to some of these stories. I start sweating just reading them.