The things my 4 year old boy says

Took my family to a water park today which is a weird experience (my wife said she felt really dirty after being there) and i swear my 4 year old was trying to see if we could get into a fight.


First we are standing in line behind these 4 male black teenagers and my son says, "he smells bad". So i am trying to shush him and tell him not to say that and he follows it with, "well he should take a shower". I'm trying not to laugh while also checking the reaction of the kids and trying to get him to stop talking.

Next thing we are standing near this middle aged white lady who had some serious acne. "What's all over her face daddy?" Fuck. Nothing, don't point. "It looks like someone drew on her". I just grab him and walk out of line. I pulled him to the side and reinforced we can't be talking about people, it's not polite and he needs to keep those things inside.

So we leave the park and we stop for gas and to grab some drinks. There is a Popeyes attached and there is a black family sitting there having dinner. Now at home i like to say what up boyyyyyyy (in my best hip hop impersonation) to my son when we are playing together. So out of now where my son looks this man in the eye and says "what up boyyyyyyy". I'm like you have got to be shitting me. Dude says what up boyyyyyy back at him and my son laughs and gives me a sweet smile.

I just laughed at this point and accepted that at some point this kid is going to put me in some real awkward situations.

TTT Phone Post 3.0

Calling it now that son is a pimp. And will fuck many bitches. Phone Post 3.0

Has he discovered boys and girls have different parts yet? This finding will yield hilarious antics. Phone Post 3.0

Crisco - Calling it now that son is a pimp. And will fuck many bitches. Phone Post 3.0

Funny you say that because i am convinced he is going to swing the other way.

He likes princess movies, notices pretty dresses, acts a little light in the loafers at times.

My wife says its because he has 3 sisters. I just told her not to be surprised if he comes home with Tony instead of Toni.

I'll love him either way (my son, not Tony).

Sogflop - Has he discovered boys and girls have different parts yet? This finding will yield hilarious antics. Phone Post 3.0

Yeah, he is aware.

A more unsettling discovery was that he realized that if he says he has to use the restroom we have to make it happen of he will just wet his pants.

This has resulted in multiple occasions of Daddy i have to potty. Well there is no where to stop. Ok, i'll just go in my underwear then. Fuck. Ok, i'm finding a spot.

He also was allowed to be outside during our vacation in NC when we were out at the beach at night. So now he thinks he should be able to pee outside whenever. Today at the park he has to go pee but i am waiting for the wife and youngest daughter to get out of the lazy river. I can't wait, i'll just pee in this sand. And we are literally in the middle of hundreds of people in the middle of the day and this kid thinks he should be able to just whip it out and piss wherever.

Lmao. Sounds like good times. Have a vu my friend Phone Post 3.0

I work with a girl with Down Syndrome as a side job and she'll say the most amazing/horrible things sometimes.

1. Standing behind a big black dude in line at whole foods.... "Look.... B L A C K!!!!"

2. Sitting next to a couple obviously on a date. Guy starts giggling after a joke.... She goes "hahaha not funny."

3. Teenage girl is crying outside the movie theater... "Look. a B-A-B-Y!!"

Awesome. Phone Post 3.0

Kids say the funniest shit and you just gotta roll with it. I think you might have your hands full with this one OP. But it's stuff like this you will always remember and get a good laugh at years from now.

My 4 year old walked past a fat bull dyke who was all of about 5ft. Mohawk, Denim suspenders the whole kit and my kid very loudly went, "look Daddy a little fat boy!" Phone Post 3.0

GNPfan - Kids say the funniest shit and you just gotta roll with it. I think you might have your hands full with this one OP. But it's stuff like this you will always remember and get a good laugh at years from now.


I'm just hoping the funny stories don't involve me with a black eye.

Hahaha what up boyyyyyyy Phone Post 3.0

Daughter was on this kick where she liked to pretend there were monsters chasing her. We were walking out of a grocery store once when she went "Ahhhhhhhh! A monster!!!!" while pointing at and trying to "escape" from the ginormous behemoth of a woman who was walking out behind us.

Said woman got all pissy and moany. Phone Post 3.0

Bryan72 - Daughter was on this kick where she liked to pretend there were monsters chasing her. We were walking out of a grocery store once when she went "Ahhhhhhhh! A monster!!!!" while pointing at and trying to "escape" from the ginormous behemoth of a woman who was walking out behind us.

Said woman got all pissy and moany. Phone Post 3.0

Sounds like she wasnt pretending this time

Yeah kids say strange and funny things at that age. Just the other day when my wife dropped my almost 4 year old daughter off at school the teacher ask my daughter what did you do yesterday and my daughter says "I woke up my daddy because he was snoring". LOL which actually was true too. Phone Post 3.0

My little apprentice smith and I were in the supermarket and came across with an old man in a wheelchair. The boy looks dead at the guy and says THAT MAN IS HORRIBLE.

He meant handicapped. Phone Post 3.0

Walked past a midget in a mall one day and both my little kids stop and point and stare as he walks past in astonishment. Phone Post 3.0

read this to my wife, we both laughed, awesome lol.

Another time, I'm trying to get the kid out of bed. I'm saying "ok, you have to get up." And she goes "get up standup! Standup for your rights!" Phone Post 3.0

Today my kid told me he's doing all the things To get bigger muscles. I asked him what those were and he replied "you know.. Push-ups , sit-ups , squatches." Phone Post 3.0