Things you see and hear in the hood.

I was inside my house a few years ago with the door open because we had a screen door. Across the street was a duplex; well, one of the fat women that rented one was on the porch talking on her cell phone.

She said, "hello, you at the sto'. Bring back some of that hand soap. I got to wash my assho'."

I still laugh about it when i think about it.

Let's make this a thread where we post funny stories we heard or saw about in a ghetto or a poor community.

Lots a jaywalking. 

 

 

My old neighborhood that turned into a ghetto:

 

Two vehicles got into a wreck, one drove off. People came out of their homes to help the remaining wounded driver but he bolted, leaving his car. Neighbors said oh well and proceeded to steal all the Xmas gifts in said car. Lol

My buddy Jimmy told me this story but I will share it on his behalf. He is in Havasu and this brand new motor home pulls in with this brand new boat on the back. Jimmy says it looks like they won on Price is Right or something.

 

After all this jockeying around they get the boat in the water and get it set up for some water skiing. The motor home door opens and out comes this black guy in swim shorts that go almost to his ankles and a guinea tee. This guy gets all set up on the ski dock and from the boat the guy yells, "You ready Freddy?" The guy in the guinea tee responds, "Make it happen Captain!" The boat takes off and Freddy immediately succumbs and falls off the dock into the water. Ski unsuccessful.

 

To this day whenever we go somewhere, one of us will inevitably say to the other, "You ready Freddy?"

In fairness, the first time I tried to water ski, I immediately succumbed as well.

That said "Make it happen, Capn" is going to enter my phrasebook.

family owned diner in Newark, NJ for 40 years

ive got millions of stories

 

off the top of my head

 

kind hearted crack dealer leaving a couple of rocks as a tip for the waitress

60 yr old asian woman sending her goons (regular customers who were big intimidating black dudes that spent time in the clink) out to collect $$ from people who had outstanding tabs

customer selling "hot diapers" (stolen from a truck) to other customers in the store

seeing a woman wwith her baby carriage get gunned down in broad daylight by her abusive ex husband

 

Slowshot - In fairness, the first time I tried to water ski, I immediately succumbed as well.

That said "Make it happen, Capn" is going to enter my phrasebook.

Yeah it wasn't that he failed the ski, it was everything up to it. Just figured i should finish the story of what happened to the guy.

Not "funny" per se, but...

Couches in the street.

People walking in the middle of the street

Old dudes on children's BMX bikes.

Signs to buy diabetic test strips.

Signs for cheap funeral services.

 

 

 

 

Kind of the hood.

I had a company in the late 80's designing installing cathodic protectoin on underground fuel tanks and piping.  Mostly gas stations, some pipelines.

We had a contract with a company in south Ga that had 9 or 10 locations. We pulled up one morning in a very small, country-ass town. They were in the middle of nowhere, with the exeption of a surrounding subdivision of brick houses that were all built exactly the same. It was pretty easy to see that these were govt housing.  As we started unloading the equipment and tools, i noticed a large contingent of brothers shooting dice and drinking 40's at the side of the store.  It was 9 in the fucking morning.

As we started laying things out, the bro's started eyeing us and the equipment, and it started getting sketchy.  The alpha of the bunch came over to tell us that the abandoned-looking building next to the store was a crack house, and that we could get our dicks sucked real cheap.  

Soon a Georgia State Patrol passed by eyeballing the store. He came by again a few minutes later.  The 3rd time he came by, the alpha hoodrat was standing there talking to me buying crack or pot. The patrol car slowed down as it approached.  The gangster dude got mad and lifted his shirt to reveal a gat, and shouted "What the fuck you want?"  The patrol car immediately sped up and drove off.  

I told the guys to load all the shit up as fast as they could, and we bailed out of there with the quickness.

 

 

That KFC lampshade killed me, in for more hood stories 

Liquor/convenience stores in the garden or first floor apartment of a 3 flat.

Sneakers with the shoe laces tied together hanging over power lines.

 

 

We've failed as a species. We were doing good for a little while, men on the moon and whatnot.

Junkies washing their rigs out from the top floor and spraying people below with the water. 

Kids walking to store to buy parents smokes.

Mattresses in front yards with kids jumping on them.

The local hangout house, where there is 20 cars and 100 people at all times of night and day.

 

Had a friend in college who was from a really bad part of South Philly. He invited us over to watch a fight, met us by the car and walked us in quick fast in a hurry. Spent the whole night by the window peeking out of the blinds to make sure no one stole our car.
Then walked us out with his gun and told us not to stop at lights for a few blocks. Poor guy, felt bad for him.

Thrill Hammer -

My buddy Jimmy told me this story but I will share it on his behalf. He is in Havasu and this brand new motor home pulls in with this brand new boat on the back. Jimmy says it looks like they won on Price is Right or something.

 

After all this jockeying around they get the boat in the water and get it set up for some water skiing. The motor home door opens and out comes this black guy in swim shorts that go almost to his ankles and a guinea tee. This guy gets all set up on the ski dock and from the boat the guy yells, "You ready Freddy?" The guy in the guinea tee responds, "Make it happen Captain!" The boat takes off and Freddy immediately succumbs and falls off the dock into the water. Ski unsuccessful.

 

To this day whenever we go somewhere, one of us will inevitably say to the other, "You ready Freddy?"

Isn't you ready Freddy a pretty common saying? I've heard it my entire life. 

TheMMAn -

Kind of the hood.

I had a company in the late 80's designing installing cathodic protectoin on underground fuel tanks and piping.  Mostly gas stations, some pipelines.

We had a contract with a company in south Ga that had 9 or 10 locations. We pulled up one morning in a very small, country-ass town. They were in the middle of nowhere, with the exeption of a surrounding subdivision of brick houses that were all built exactly the same. It was pretty easy to see that these were govt housing.  As we started unloading the equipment and tools, i noticed a large contingent of brothers shooting dice and drinking 40's at the side of the store.  It was 9 in the fucking morning.

As we started laying things out, the bro's started eyeing us and the equipment, and it started getting sketchy.  The alpha of the bunch came over to tell us that the abandoned-looking building next to the store was a crack house, and that we could get our dicks sucked real cheap.  

Soon a Georgia State Patrol passed by eyeballing the store. He came by again a few minutes later.  The 3rd time he came by, the alpha hoodrat was standing there talking to me buying crack or pot. The patrol car slowed down as it approached.  The gangster dude got mad and lifted his shirt to reveal a gat, and shouted "What the fuck you want?"  The patrol car immediately sped up and drove off.  

I told the guys to load all the shit up as fast as they could, and we bailed out of there with the quickness.

 

 

So a state patrol ran from a dude with a gun? I live in Georgia and the state patrol is a bunch of hardasses, I find this suprising. 

jasperb -
TheMMAn -

Kind of the hood.

I had a company in the late 80's designing installing cathodic protectoin on underground fuel tanks and piping.  Mostly gas stations, some pipelines.

We had a contract with a company in south Ga that had 9 or 10 locations. We pulled up one morning in a very small, country-ass town. They were in the middle of nowhere, with the exeption of a surrounding subdivision of brick houses that were all built exactly the same. It was pretty easy to see that these were govt housing.  As we started unloading the equipment and tools, i noticed a large contingent of brothers shooting dice and drinking 40's at the side of the store.  It was 9 in the fucking morning.

As we started laying things out, the bro's started eyeing us and the equipment, and it started getting sketchy.  The alpha of the bunch came over to tell us that the abandoned-looking building next to the store was a crack house, and that we could get our dicks sucked real cheap.  

Soon a Georgia State Patrol passed by eyeballing the store. He came by again a few minutes later.  The 3rd time he came by, the alpha hoodrat was standing there talking to me buying crack or pot. The patrol car slowed down as it approached.  The gangster dude got mad and lifted his shirt to reveal a gat, and shouted "What the fuck you want?"  The patrol car immediately sped up and drove off.  

I told the guys to load all the shit up as fast as they could, and we bailed out of there with the quickness.

 

 

So a state patrol ran from a dude with a gun? I live in Georgia and the state patrol is a bunch of hardasses, I find this suprising. 

Born and raised in Middle Ga. Have 2 friends that are GSP, and neither one are a joke.  My guess he was going to get some backup with the local sherrifs, since there were about 30 hard looking hoodrats gathered at the side of the store.

I did not plan to be there when the shit the fan.