This year's Halloween

As some of you may recall, last year I was bitched out by a 10 year old punk who was highly offended I had an evil animatronic clown in my front yard. He came up, stole half my candy (I had it in these huge pumpkin buckets with “Take two”. So this little fuckstick takes candy and when I open the door to restock he flares up and yells at me “It’s not RIGHT WHAT YOU ARE DOING TO KIDS”…

Now at this time i’d probably already downed a fifth of titos and snorted about two grams of blow. (NOTE: I am now 100% sober). So anyway, i bite my tongue and say “ho ho young man, isn’t Halloween supposed to be scary” NO! the kid screams back. “Have a happy Halloween, young man” I shouted out like santa.

My boy was over and I had to have him talk me down from a cliff. I was going to storm out there and demand to speak to the boy’s father. Well, turns out they were the family that just moved in three houses down. Both parents are MD’s. Huge house, pretty well off.

So I wait, thinking maybe the parents will wave or maybe even say “Hey sorry about my kid the other night”. Nothing.

Part 2: EVERY single neighbor I have are limousine liberals. Most of them are retirees and appear to be living pretty well. They saw my TRUMP flag and not a single one will speak to me now, and some even go back in their houses. I’ve never had a cross word with any of them, I am a good neighbor and my property is immaculate.

I was going to cancel Halloween this year due to all the stealing caught on camera. Parents were stealing. Little ghetto nukkas coming here with their 10 kids just looting and leaving trash all over laughing as their kids filled their bags.

So with these progressive neighbors all around me and then the rich kid who bitched me out for daring to put up scary halloween decorations I was going to just not do halloween this year.

But then I came up with a diabolical plot to really get even: Try to get a death metal band in the front yard with a display from the church of satan. We would do a “blood sacrifice”. There would be evil midgets dressed as demons. I figure the band can rip off two songs before the cops get there. Then i’ll hide behind the first amendment when they try to shut me down.

Take the highroad or call Cannibal Corpse?

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Death Metal Fire GIF by Metal Blade Records

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I had a friend once who lived next door to this guy who would put on a gigsntic display for both xmas and Halloween. People would deive by at all hours of the noght to gawk at the display. Eventually he got sick of people turning around in his driveway.

At first he posted signs. That didnt work so he made an impromptu gate. When that didnt work he started lining his driveway with cinder blocks. That kinda work but people would just get out and move them.

Finally he got some road spikes the cops would use with a warning sign stating road spikes ahead. We sat outside one night during the festive holiday season. At least 4 cars pulled into his driveway and all for drove away with flat tires. Eventually people stopped pulling into his driveway.

I guess a hard lesson learned for those who trespass.