Three thirsty guys lost in the desert...

...and they come across a small hut. When they get to it, they knock on the door. A hugely obese and ugly woman answers the door. "Please, can we have some water?!" they say, and the woman replies "Sure, but you have to fuck me." Two of them walk away, sit down, and start crying dry tears... but the first man notices a bunch of corn on the cob on a table behind her. He says "Okay, deal, but you have to close your eyes." Then, he proceeds to do her with the corn. As each one gets covered in juice and nastiness, he tosses it out the window. When she finishes, she gives him the water and he leaves. He walks over to his friends, and says "Guys! I got some water!" They reply "Screw the water, can we have some more buttered corn?" Phone Post 3.0

yike

:)

Eggbert - I just had corn on the cob with lunch. Not going to taste good coming back up Phone Post 3.0
Lmao! Phone Post 3.0

I think I got this one beat.

A soldier gets a little R&R from the war and immediately makes his way over to a whore house.  He has very little money so he has to settle for the oldest, most toothless whore he has ever encountered. They turn off the lights and start to fucking and after only two or three strokes the soldier stops, noting the old whore's pussy is much too dry and scratchy for him to continue.  She apologizes, turns around and starts fiddling with her nethers.  After a few seconds of this she tells him to get back on top of her and to have another go.  This time the soldier is shocked to discover the woman feels incredible. 

When he finishes he pays her double and asked her what her secret was.  Some lotion or cream or something?

Oh no, said the old whore, I just picked the scabs and let the pus run.

Hahahaha keep em coming!! Phone Post 3.0

GOREILLAMAN - What's the best part about fucking a baby?



Hearing the sternum pop. Phone Post 3.0
I got banned for posting something similar Phone Post

FatChrist Magic - 


I think I got this one beat.



I soldier gets a little R&R from the war and immediately makes his way over to a whore house.  He has very little money so he has to settle for the oldest, most toothless whore he has ever encountered. They turn off the lights and start to fucking and after only two or three strokes the soldier stops, noting the old whore's pussy is much too dry and scratchy for him to continue.  She apologizes, turns around and starts fiddling with her nethers.  After a few seconds of this she tells him to get back on top of her and to have another go.  This time the soldier is shocked to discover the woman feels incredible. 



When he finishes he pays her double and asked her what her sercet was.  Some lotion or cream or something?



Oh no, said the old whore, I just picked the scabs and let the pus run.



Ahhhhhhh!!!!!!



voted up

In to steal fcm's joke. Phone Post 3.0

In Phone Post 3.0

You guys are disgusting.

Continue. Phone Post

FatChrist Magic -


I think I got this one beat.



A soldier gets a little R&R from the war and immediately makes his way over to a whore house.  He has very little money so he has to settle for the oldest, most toothless whore he has ever encountered. They turn off the lights and start to fucking and after only two or three strokes the soldier stops, noting the old whore's pussy is much too dry and scratchy for him to continue.  She apologizes, turns around and starts fiddling with her nethers.  After a few seconds of this she tells him to get back on top of her and to have another go.  This time the soldier is shocked to discover the woman feels incredible. 



When he finishes he pays her double and asked her what her secret was.  Some lotion or cream or something?



Oh no, said the old whore, I just picked the scabs and let the pus run.

Unlikely... If the soldier is on RR he's probably saved a bit of money from being in the desert... He's bag the finest bitch in that place! Phone Post 3.0

Dirty Johnny walked into the bathroom just as his mother was getting out of the shower. He points between her legs and asks "What's that mom?" Embarrassed, his mother struggles to think of what to say and finally says "Well, your father got really mad and that's where he hit me with an axe." Johnny exclaims "Wow, great shot! He got you right in the cunt!!"

GOREILLAMAN - What's the best part about fucking a baby?



Hearing the sternum pop. Phone Post 3.0
This is one of the most evil, offensive, disgusting, horrific, despicable "jokes" I've ever read.


















I'm so stealing it! Phone Post 3.0

Fake Phone Post 3.0

What does a good bar and a good woman have in common?
Liquor in the front and poker in the back!

A couple just got married and on the night of their honeymoon before passionate love, the wife tells the husband, "Please be gentle, I'm still a virgin." The husband being shocked, replied, "How's this possible? You've been married three times before." The wife responds, "Well, my first husband was a gynecologist and all he wanted to do was look at it. My second husband was a psychiatrist and all he wanted to do was talk about it. Finally, my third husband was a stamp collector and all he wanted to do was...oh, do I miss him!" Phone Post 3.0

BeatMaster - A couple just got married and on the night of their honeymoon before passionate love, the wife tells the husband, "Please be gentle, I'm still a virgin." The husband being shocked, replied, "How's this possible? You've been married three times before." The wife responds, "Well, my first husband was a gynecologist and all he wanted to do was look at it. My second husband was a psychiatrist and all he wanted to do was talk about it. Finally, my third husband was a stamp collector and all he wanted to do was...oh, do I miss him!" Phone Post 3.0

"...my third husband was a stamp collector and all he wanted to do was..."

... Stamp it? Put stamps on it?

I don't und........ohhhhhhhhh never mind, I got it.

Lol Phone Post

So OP and I both died and went to hell.
When I got there, the devil told me I could have a second chance at life, but I would have to fuck the ugliest, most disgusting looking woman that had ever been sent to hell.
I really wanted to live again and didn't want to spend eternity in hell, so I agreed and fucked the most vile and putrid woman you have ever seen.
After I finished Satan was leading me out of hell and back to the land of the living. On our way out, I saw OP and he was having sex with the most beautiful woman I have ever seen. She was truly perfect, even her elbows were round.
I stopped for a second and asked Satan, "What's the deal? You make me fuck that pig bitch and OP gets to make love to that goddess. That doesn't seem fair."
Satan replied, "It's perfectly fair. She wanted out of here just as bad as you did." Phone Post 3.0