ive been reading these forums for quite some time now and was always content with just reading but after a tournament i went to last week i thought what the hell... ive been to quite a few tournaments in a couple different states and have noticed some funny and disturbing things.

first off, if you didnt get the memo, free ball friday is on FRIDAY not on tournament saturday. in no-gi i dont want to see flopping ballz. put on some dam underware or just somethin under there, please... these people are easy to spot but not by flashing ballz but by watching the crowd and seeing some girl turn her head and make the motion of throwing up in her mouth. oh yaaaaaa! she just got an eyeful of some ones man jewels.

the one armed bandit - after the kids division youll see some little kid walkin around with at least 2 medals a huge grin and an arm in a sling. nice job little buddy.

a move that needs to be illegal - from side body, reaching under the booty and grabbing a handful of cloth and reaching under the shoulder with your other hand and grabbing a handful of cloth, and then hold opponent firmly in place. i call this move the "scared girlfriend clutch of death". ya know, your watchin a scary movie with the girlfriend and BAM! a cat jumps out and she grabs you like the time her and her friends went to spring break without you, and she told you after the club she "just went back to the hotel" which was true but forgot about to mention the two large "african american" guys ... anyways you know what i mean.

if you didnt know... when your coach or instructor yells "just hold him"!!! hes pretty much saying: "your jiu jitsu sucks and this guy is better than you. rather than roll with your opponent I would prefer you just sit there and do nothing because if you actually roll with him he will tap the shit out of you and make me your instructor look bad." which goes along with the move listed above.

heres a fun magic trick you can do at home: take a brand new tournament t-shirt and put it into your washing machine on normal cycle and remove. TA DA!!!! where the fuck did all the lettering and graphics go? its magic!!!

if your opponent has one or more of the following just go ahead and forfeit. hes better than you.
1. has an extremely large beard
2. freshly dyed hair, colored with the following combinations - green, orange, pink, and white
3. wearing a blue gi top and white pants. (not to be confused with the white top and blue pants)
4. has a group brazilians cheering them on with at least 3 hottie brazilian girls in the group, thats right buddy your screwed and you dont even know what there saying.

if you didnt know... that brazilian that just beat you, ya know the one with the hotties, hes going to want a picture with you. dont let him take it. or right before the camera flash, throw your hands in the air and smile big like you just won. trust me on this one.

hahahah funny post

"thats right buddy your screwed and you dont even know what there saying."

LOL!! So true.

Awesome post! Hilarious.


LOL @ "nice job little buddy"

Ok, I'm not as experienced. Why does the Brazillian want a picture?

To photoshop and post on the OG, imo.

LOL @ throwing up your hands like you just won.

You forgot about about the one dude who gets choked all the way out and looks like a retard when a group of people rushes over to revive him.

Oh, so Brazilians photoshoped the gunt out of your tournament pics, Xtina? This is starting to make more sense.

my first tourney as a blue belt, i was allllll nervous that I wasn't ready for that div.

I drew a guy in the first round whose name was listed as something generic like "steve smith". when we got onto the mat, he started speaking with the his native portuguese. "Steve Smith"....riiiiiiiiiiiiight!

PS - I beat him. ;)

LOL nice........

Don't forget the beginner's no gi matches that turn into 6 min leg lock wars. one guy goes for it and then they both sit there and squeeze until one guy gets bored.


funny stuff

that was really good!