Training my girlfriend

well not all men do housework as well as some women right...

My girlfriend always asks me to show her submissions 'cuz she thinks it is interesting. Then I start to show her a triangle choke and she complains that it hurts her calf too much to squeeze and she stops. She also wanted to learn some Japanese Jujutsu--which involves pain. Submission and especially self-defense takes a certain personality that I rarely find in women.

How many women does it take to change a light bulb...

This is a good question and one that likley plagues countless millions of men in the martial arts who are enthralled with soreness, swelling, bruising, pain, violent visuals, focusing on fear and trying to overcome it, placing their joints and teeth and body in harm's way workout after workout to train for a fight that typically never comes....


Its an age-old question. Jesse doesnt train beucase of time and responsiblities. I have no doubt that she would sink her teeth, nails, blade, bottle into an opponent, perhaps faster than anticipated.

Now, if you ask me if she trained regularly or at least more often, the answer: Yes.

Remember, we cannot impose our beliefs or wishes on another and simple safety strategies and tactics [of the stun & run nature] can be learned quickly and through osmosis as well. Not ideal but still there.


Yeah, Jake, but when she pops you full power, you deserve it!:)It's a JOKE, son! HUMOR, Ah say...!RS

I made the same complaint awhile ago about some female friend's of mine, it was even in the archive for a little bit under "a friend's dilemma", looks to be gone now. Turns out a lot of people had had the same experience. Who knows why--awkward to think about being assaulted? Busyness? Plain inertia? Can't push them, just offer support and education to the degree that they're ready for it. One thing I like to do is lend out the Cerebral Self-Defense tape and tell people to listen to it in the car, it gets them thinking. And lately, Steve Collins' book as well (hey, trash the Archie comics, stick THIS on the back of your toilet).

How I get MY girlfriend to train: I train gals at the University and she comes along, probably to check on me. :)

This must be a common thing because my girlfriend thinks she knows all the self-defense she needs to know, so training is not necessary.

Maybe it's a need to be independent? They would rather go out and find a self-defense instructor on their own than rely on their boyfriend/husband to teach them. Maybe it's an issue where they don't want their boyfriend/husband teaching them because they don't want to be judged if they are doing the technique right or not? Or maybe they just don't like the idea of seriously hurting another human being.

Perhaps it's another one of those womanly mysteries of life we will never quite understand.


I heard a few times your wife doesnt train for self defense.

Why do you think she doesnt do it? Because she dont like it, because she has other priorities? Because she doesnt care about her security? Because she trust in you for self defense?

I have a similar problem with my girlfriend, and my sister, mother, sister in law, etc.
Something I cant understand. :-(

Marcos Castro

(Caveat: I am not Tony.)

Marcos, I had the same experience with my own
girlfriend. Some things just take time. Even deciding
to train in self-defense can be a scary prospect.

Don't push the issue...if you poke and push and prod,
then it becomes a "you vs. her" thing, and that goes
nowhere. I just talked with my girlfriend about the
training for a while, and what it did for
me. Eventually, she decided she wanted to do it. The
first class she came, she was afraid to hit I
have to watch it, because she'll pop me full on with no
gear on!

Like many things in a relationship, time and
understanding go a long way.