Dear M.E. readers,
Have you ever had a chance to De-Fuse a confrontation and walk away feeling wimpy or unsure of your confidence or manliness? No fight occurred but you still felt something was wrong?
Please enjoy this blast from the past.
"I meant in my first post that after some confrontations sometimes the defuse doesn't hold closure for me..."
Coach Blauer's response:
The simplicity of it all is that success at any stage of the THREE D's should = a WIN.
Embrace WIN as W.I.N. the acronym [Lou Holtz] = WHATS IMPORTANT NOW.
Here's the formula for greater safety:
GPS+ = -A + -D + -V
Greater Personal Safety is the result of less anxiety + less doubt + less violence. [GPS is our new orientation
If you follow a directive that embraces avoidance in a creative way then you're one step a head of the game.
If your definition of the 'win' involves the need to 'overtly' dominate, then the 'ego1 or an erroneous belief system is
running part of the show...and that's a problem.
You may want to honestly work through the Cycle of Behavior [COB using actual conflicts you've had that were
resolved [by another's standards] but still left issues with you. This could prove cathartic if you discover that in the
Fear loop some of the wires were crossed or that the 'expectations' did not gel with the directive or GAR principle.
I'm giving you formulae to help you with structure, Zen maxims and philosophy are great, when they force the
Realization, I surmise that you need to 'see' it with your own eyes, so work the COB and see what that turns up.
And after all is said and done, closure is the result of 'realistic expectations' meeting 'realistic results'.
If you thought the asshole in the street was going to throw you a party after you reprimanded him for road
rage...well, you will not have closure on that.
Meditate on that and on this:
If you thought that hitting would be more gratifying then talking then, likely, you WERENT in a real fight [its always easier to fantasize about what we coulda/shoulda/woulda done when we didn't have to...
When avoidance isn't enough, words come into to play, when words aren't enough fists come into play, when those are not even enough, likely awareness [pre-avoidance radar] wasn't in play.
Desirable/Less Desirable. Sometimes SHIT HAPPENS. And when you step in shit it still stinks even when you're washing your shoe. It still stinks while you're looking for grass to wipe your foot on. It still stinks because likely you are late for whatever you were walking to. Stepping in shit always sucks.
All it is - on a metaphoric level - is a demonstration of how you apply our GOLDEN RULES:
Don't stop thinking
If a day later you're still wondering, worrying, fretting over the SHIT from the day before then you need to not
Redefine the win but redefine confidence.
Food for thought.