What to do when an ostrich attacks!

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With the long neck why not go for a guillotine?

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Go lay on the ground? They literally stomp shit to death how the fuck does that work

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Those things are crazy. At the Ostrich farm outside of Slovang i saw the dominant male ostrich chase around a lesser male for a few laps of the pen. When he caught him he stomped him the F out. It was pretty savage. Then he walked over and sexed up one of the lady ostrich. It was pretty funny because when he sexed her he shakes his little wings around and gyrates his neck like hes doing a victory dance fuck.

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Lay on the ground. Resist the urge to run for cover or elevation if it is too far away. Instead, play dead as a last-ditch effort. Lay with your stomach to the ground. Cover the back of your head with your arms to protect your skull. Brace yourself for the ostrich to toy with you. Wait for it to tire of this and leave before getting back up. Be aware that this method may still result in injury.

  • The risk of injury from the force of impact of an ostrich’s kick is dramatically reduced when you lay down. The ostrich kicks forward, then downward, with most of its force being been spent in the forward motion.
  • The talons still do pose a danger. Lie on your stomach to better protect your organs, since the ostrich may rake you with its talons.
  • The ostrich may stand or even sit on you before it tires. An adult ostrich may weigh between 198 and 350 lbs (90 and 159 kilograms).
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My ostrich wants to attack her snatch.

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Get boots and the ginger to take care of it…allegedly.

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wig ostrich GIF

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image

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Darn, that ostrich was gonna eat them

Went to one of those drive through zoos a while back and one of those fuckers came up and jammed his head in the windows and bit my finger. Wish I’d been fast enough to roll the window up on his scrawny neck and drag his ass through the rest of the park.

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Replace the stick with a katana and we’re in business.

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There can be only one…

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that only works for sick ones. allegedly

Shoot for a double leg. Everyone knows ostriches have no ground game.

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Ginger Squirrely Dan GIF by Crave

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Never agreed with the wisdom to submit to animal attacks. Don’t start none, won’t be none, but if you wanna go, then we can go, bear, ostrich, rhino, zebra, I don’t give a fuck. You can get the two piece combo with a side of goddamn head kick just as easy as a human.

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I pray there is a video one day of this female not in some sanctuary but instead in the wild being charged at by an angry Ostrich and she stands her ground holding her hand up high. That will be the best Darwin award video.