What would you do?

Here's the situation, I'll be brief, specifics are there if you need them.

My buddy (best friend, 8 years) picked a very bad girlfriend.

He's 22 years old, 1 year from finishing off an honours coop degree in computer science. He's going to make a decent living soon. He started dating a girl w/ a baby (a 2 y.o.), has given a child away and had 5 abortions to my knowledge. She has one year of college (think community college) education.

She's being nice to him, but in general she has no/few friends, due to the way she treats people.

They've been seeing each other long distance for 4 months, and now she moved to our city to live. She has cheated on every relationship she has ever been in. She's like a monkey - makes sure she has one hand on the next vine before she lets go of the last one.

What could I possibly tell him, I've already told him what I think of the situation, but he won't listen.

Any comments?

I hope this wont offend you. But sometimes someone like your friend has co-dependency issues. It´s easy to paint the girl in bad colours but usually the truth is that your friend subcounsciously wants and searches for a girl like her.

May I ask, has he a history of getting girlfriends that treats him bad and/or cheats on him?

Oh man. Sounds like absolute trouble. You don't need to post this in HolyGround, it's clearly evident

ask your friend straight in the face to

If you can't convince him. Last but not least. Pray. :)

You can't really impose what your friend should do when its so blatant, unless your willing to go the distance to throw fists. Even then.....

Fudo, very little offends me. :) He obviously has co-dependency issues if he's clinging to such a desperate relationship. I've discussed this with him and it didn't help.

He doesn't have a history, as he was going out with a great girl for about 4 years. This is the first one that is like her. I think he's seeing her because his dad left him when he was young, so he has a chance to be the father figure for both this girl and her baby. Sound reasonable?

I've already asked him numerous times to dump her, explained why I feel this way, etc. All his friends are against the relationship.

Nelso - I'd throw fists if it would help, but I don't think it would.

I don't even feel like hanging around them, but we're so close it's hard not to.

Tell him he MUST use condoms.

He won't, sorry I forgot the most ridiculous part. He's leaving birth control in her hands. Explained as: 'It would be too awkward at this point since we haven't yet. It doesn't matter, she's on the pill anyways.' I almost knocked his head off.


I'll be so right when he has STDs and another kid that's taking a chunk of his paycheck, but I'd rather be wrong in this case.


In my years of life I´ve learnt that it is impossible to help people that don´t want to be helped.

You are doing your best, now all you can do is to support him with your friendship and love in his perhaps not so brilliant future.

If he uses this excuse again the next time you talk to him, you can say something like "women need to give a break on the pills, and he is concerned about her health and from now on she can leave the pills and he´ll be using the condom".

22... age to make a lot of mistakes...

Ya, he's not going to use condoms, unless I hold his family hostage. People who don't use condoms obviously don't understand the seriousness of their actions. You should have seen how much coaxing it took for me to get him to use them w/ one night stands. I finally said 'look, it's going to be me who has to listen to you complain about how much it hurts when your urinating, so let's go to the store right now and buy them.'

Thanks for the encouraging words.

I agree, don't help people who won't help themselves.

yeah what you say makes sense. It sounds like you have a tough situation on your hands (since he doesn´t seem to be very responsive). but sometimes, some people needs to learn the hard way by actually making the mistakes and suffer the consequences. That is really hard to witness if you are a close friend like you are in this situation. Don´t forget to take care of yourself and don´t blame yourself in any way when things starts to go wrong for him. sorry that I can´t say anything more helpful, good luck.

Go ahead, it's not like MY life is over. :D

Me: "very little offends me."