Writing Wedding vows. Any tips?

I'm getting married tomorrow and need to write my vows. Anyone got any tips to get the whole audience a little teary? 

Just google some generic shit.

My wife swore to always heat my sammiches.

Tell them how she's so important to you that you're willing to give away half of your shit if it doesn't work out...

Laziest Patrick Bateman ever...

surprised nobody said "dont get married" yet

Get drunk prior. Tell the person doing the ceremony to hurry it up because your beer is getting warm in the trunk of your trans-am.

 

For vows. I'd suggest mashing together a bunch of Manowar lyrics (power metal band).. something like this should suffice

 

We are fighting with power and steel, fighting for metal, metal that's real!

The stripes on a tiger don't wash away, Manowar's made of steel not clay! 

May your sword stay wet, like a young girl in her prime!

That's a start for you. I'm sure everyone in attendance will be super stoked on it.

 

 

why are you marrying this girl?  answer that question, determine how you would want someone to commit to those reasons, and there are your vows.

for instance, "she makes me want to be a better person".

vow:  i promise to be a better person. 

expand a bit with how?

i promise to be a better person by _________________.

 

vow:  "she makes my life exciting"

"i promise to find ways to keep our life exciting"

 

that's how i'd approach it.  or use google.

Vow to let her know the second she gets fat and annoying which will happen the millisecond both you faggots say "I do"

Stu Cazzo -

Tell them how she's so important to you that you're willing to give away half of your shit if it doesn't work out...

  That worked ..I'm crying  for you all ready