Zuffa's Cain romance: Girl, he ain't gonna change

I get it, girlfriend. He was the mysterious stranger who walked into your life just when you'd given up hope. He promised to sweep you off your feet and rescue you from your demographic prison of nu metal, Affliction t-shirts and bleached mohawks.

"Ssh hyna, why don't you come hang with some of my cholo buddies instead?", he would whisper softly in your ear and you'd get all weak at the knees. You'd stay up all night listening to 'Brown Skin' by India Arie, which you downloaded using your 'blazing-fast' MetroPCS, and fantasize about draping him in the Mexican flag.

But girl, you've fallen in love with an idea, not the real man. You're trying to change him into something he is not; you keep thinking if you bribe him with endless rematches he will turn into your fantasy. Instead he constantly stands you up and leaves you alone for years on end, and he always has some lame excuse.

And you've gotten rid of the only thing that was keeping the spark in your relationship alive. Even if he used to go all night when he finally did show, he can't do that any more because you've decided to get all prissy about how he was doing it. You didn't realize it was the only thing that allowed him to sleEPOver in the first place.

I know it's hard, but it's time to move on.