4 things I don't ever want to hear Jon Jones say

He's remarkable. Even God couldn't find him in the 24 hours after he smashed into a pregnant woman's car, grabbed his cash, and made a mad run for the hills without checking to see how she was. Thankfully, God sent an attorney who could orchestrate his surrender and God was able to guide the prosecutors to a plea deal and a lenient sentence.

Thank you, God, for giving this young man the health he'll need to once again be paid enormous amounts to entertain those who don't give a flying fuck about what kind of cretins the UFC promotes as long as they're talented.