BJJ vs The Dark Arts

Saturday night I fought Dracula for anyone who is interested. I was at a local bar with some friends and there were these girls with us that we met along the way. This one girl was wearing a black skirt so short she should've had a hairnet, she got real drunk and thought it was funny to throw beer on people. After a few dousings I got angry and told her to fuck off and swatted her beer out of her hand. She reacted by pouncing on me and sinking her teeth into my neck and tried to rip off some flesh, I couldn't get her off so a sag throw later we're on the ground and cross faced her to get her to let go. As the bouncers dragged her out she was screaming that she'll kill us all. So I'm not showing sensitivity to light and I don't have an unexplainable thirst so I think I was immune. But if anyone has a werewolf or zombie they need taken care of let me know cause I don't want to limit myself to vampire slaying.

Good job Mike182, if I need any help, you'll be the first I call!

That's screwed up. If her bite broke your skin, you should get that checked out. A human bite is actually poisonous. If she really is a vampire, then the dark arts will prevail unfortunately. Was she a Filipina by any chance? I remember there was this story in the Toronto Star a few years back about this prostitute in the Phillipines. She would bring her customers to a hotel room and somehow get the vampire teeth prop in her mouth without being noticed and start hissing and acting crazy telling her customer, "I am Bampire." Apparently, she was so convincing, they would run for their lives and leave their clothes and wallet behind. It made the papers because she eventually got arrested by the police.

I am sure my ex-girlfriend is a lifeless, bloodsucking, soul stealing vampire.

...but I am not bitter.


"I am a Bampire"

That is funny. LOL!

Careful, she'll kill us all!

I'd get myself checked out...and you did what you had to do.

Well I went to the doc's tonight and I got a few shots to be safe, and I am happy to report that crosses don't scare me so all is well! Thanks,

Was she hot?

It's nice to see that i've helped TWO of might students defend themselves against GIRLS...

I'm so proud of my little guys.


there was a toronto ninja group with that name, (the dark arts) one of their guys slipped me a calling card on the subway a few years back. This is funnier though.


I think I heard of that Dark Arts group. I friend of mine told me there was some lunatic ninjitsu guy who would recruit people on the subway. The business card had only a ying-yang symbol on it. He was supposed to be really powerful but he was completely illiterate. If someone showed up to his class, he would do strange things like just walk up to you and stand in your space and sniff you. He would also do every technique full power. Man, this thread is bring out all these strange stories. I think I'll start a new one and call it Tales of the Crypt.


lol @ bampire

Yikes, are you sure it was not the chick from "Underworld"? I would let her nibble on me a bit...but seriosly, i had a dude bite me in the back on the trap when i was bouncing at a dance. WHoooo, it hurt like hell, I actually thought the sob had stabbed me with some thing. I was screaming at the other doorman that he had a knife or something. I got a few precautionary thoughts as well. Hope u heal u quick ct.

You should have drove a stake right through her fucking heart.........

I bet Shawn Tompkins would make a great nurse. He has the best bedside manner. I can see it now...

"Maybe you didn't understand. I wasn't ASKING you to take your pills."

Imagine if you will this scenario.

Doctor - "Nurse, this x-ray chart has to get across the city to the lab stat! Can you do that?"

ST - "No problemo!"

(insert picture of ST running down city streets, dodging pedestrians, leaping cars, while the theme to the 6 million dollar man lays in the background. Cut to 2 people talking outside a coffee shop when a flash whizzes by them and a cloud of dust and wind follows)

Man #1 - "What was that?"

Man #2 - "I dunno. Where the heck is that music coming from?"

(Cut to scene of ST rushing towards camera down the street right in front of Showdown. Danny steps out and hands ST a cup of gatorade just like in the Boston marathon. Cut to scene of ST running away from camera.)

**orphans cheering as ST arrives with the x-rays**

ST - "Here are the x-rays!"

Doctor #2 - "Oh, yeah. The faxes are coming through now. You didn't need to run these over."

(ST kicks Doctor into a wall as orphans continue to cheer)

**NOTE: NO doctors, or orphans were harms during the typing of this ficticious scenario**