HillboFrateTrane - HotSteppa - PArt of it is cultural, I had the experience of meeting a few Brazilian black belts in late 1990s. It was odd, getting used to their macho and "romantic" personalities. I remember being at a seminar and watching the instructor kiss all the pretty teenage girls and young adult women on the cheek. It seem forced, and all us North Americans just stood around and laughed nervously, while a couple girls "cringed" but were polite. I had a Brazilian friend laugh and say that is normal.
Personally, I don’t have doubt that he did it. But I think people forget that older guys get horny and want to get laid, and BJJ instructors are no different.
I’ll get in trouble for saying this, but none of the girls in my family I grew up with were raised with bad morals and all would have had said “no you are not coming over for a massage”, etc. no matter the guy who was asking. He didn’t force himself on her, he made a move, asked for a massage, and she let him in and slept with him. They are both adults.
To me it is a non-issue. Just because he teaches you a sport doesn’t mean anything. I believe her, but I think she used bad judgment on who to sleep with. Again, for girls with decent morals, it would have been a non-issue.
He’s married, in his 60’s and presents himself as some honorable old martial arts master family man to be looked up to. Look at his social media.
You can’t act like you’re that and then weasel your way into the pants of a woman who has been training with you since she was a girl and looks up to you as a mentor.
You cant have it both ways. It’s a scumbag move no matter how you look at it. Also lol at bringing up your sisters as some sort or moral barometer as to how women should act. I bet you’d be surprised lol.
Oh Christ, I watched the video, in short, Star Struck girl, who had a “cold” relationship with her father, views this older guy like a father, yet he is a horny old pervert and seduces her. Look, I’m not going to justify his scumbag move, because it was, but she started training with him when she was and adult at 21 and was late 20s when he macked on her.
She was also says she low self-esteen, no friends, was into the BJJ lifestyle (obviously), date an abusive steroid guy who she dumped, was depressed, had bulimia, etc. In other words, no her strongest self.
He asks to come over for a massage, and she tries to rationalize it away, he then gives her a massage, and makes his move. She is too taken aback to say no and the have sex. I believe her, I just think that she viewed him in one way, and he viewed her in another and inside she was too messed up to turn him down. If it had been some old but handsome Brazilian stud who came over, then we probably wouldn’t be hearing about it. I don’t think it is “abuse” as the interviewer repeatedly tries to frame it, I think it is an old pervert trying to take advantage. And as I mentioned in another post, I find older Brazilian men, at least from my experience 15 to 20 years ago…ummmmm…romantically assertive…
Look, there are a few ladies I have known since I was born, and I think of them like mothers or aunts. If one of them messages me to come over one night for a massage and then showed up I am not going to pretend I don’t know what’s up. I would know well enough to firmly say no. She does say that she knew but tried to rationalize it.
The problem is this girl is messed up inside, she put this guy on a pedestal as people do here, and this guy took advantage, and wanted to get laid. Scummy move. But beyond that, I don’t see a story here. She felt betrayed, shocked, but to me, that is more naivite than anything.
As I said, if he was say, 15 years younger, 100% more attractive and made his move, would it be considered “abusive”? Guys hit on girls and try to get laid. Fact of life.
To her it feels like a betrayal of trust, and the image she carries of him inside as this father figure.
Best thing to do is leave.
The problem I have with him is that he pursued it afterwards. But often those kind are oblivious to how the other is feeling.