even in real life, who tries to intentionally hurt a chick? Dude needs some manners if nothing else
The consensous is that is the coach who is to blame, coming from all different people, with no loyalty to your gym or coach. Those kinds of things are on your coach to lay out the rules before he lets people roll. It is not something that should have to be addressed afterward everytime. Someone is running the place and its not your coach, its the white belts.
Agree noob guy was at fault and needs to be told that slamming anyone is not ok, particularly a smaller partner or woman; but I would have expected the coach to be all over him right after it happened, not telling your wife to learn how to defend the slam. I am interested to hear what your coach has to say when you talk to him 
FRAT
i spoke with my coach about it. He said he was watching them and then turned around to talk to someone and it happened that fast. I asked him why he would think that is ok in the first place? He told me the guy is just new and a spaz. He talked to him after class and let him know hurting people is not accepted. He tried to convince me the guys heart is in the right place and hurting someone was not his intentions. I told him i was fucking pissed last night when she came home crying. He did not let me roll with the guy today. I assumed he knew what was up. He paired them up again today and i made it clear to him she is a woman and that it would be in his best intrest not to do any stupid shit. I watched him roll with others and the guy is just a NOob spazz. We dont even have rules on the wall of the gym. It isnt my place to enforce the rules but I am going to make a list to hang on the wall. I dont think any of them mean any harm, but that is irrelevant. Lessoned learned I guess.
haha for sure. Im disgusted about the whole situation.
i understand wanting a more advanced student to know the proper technique to combat spazes. protecting yourself is much more important than getting the tap. I learned the hard way and it let me know the urgency needed to protect myself by letting a sub go or performing a counter.
but with that said a woman getting slammed should not be happening in that setting. You will get your chance to give him a sore throat. im thinking bow and arrow just a tad too hard, not too long just too hard and across the adams apple so he has to wisper all week should do the trick.
If what we are reading is the whole story, and not embelished (and I am NOT saying that it is), OP needs to find a few place for him and his family to train.
Noob did a foolish Noob move that shows a real lack of class. Who the hell slams a woman?!
But more importantly, I think this raises the question of the type of environment your coach creates/allows. His job is to provide leadership on this type of issue. It could have been a teaching moment but didnt sound like it really was.
Me - I would think seriously about finding a school that creates (& enforces) a safer environment for its students. Noobs will always spaz so you gotta par them up with people who can control them (not women) and watch them carefully. sounds like your teacher didnt fare well on either point.
Good luck.
Morgz -
If what we are reading is the whole story, and not embelished (and I am NOT saying that it is), OP needs to find a few place for him and his family to train.
yes, to the best of my knowledge.He may be lacking in some areas but he is very transparent. I plan on making it a safer place to trane. I feel it is my duty and hopefully others will get on board. I am a little dissapointed with my coach, because like everyone else it is his job to make sure we are safe.
If i'm not mistaken hasn't your family had other issues at the gym? If i were in the same situation id leave and find a place with a more family conscious atmosphere. Who is the instructor if you dont mind me asking
Put him to sleep with the LI. 
allchokedup -Morgz -If what we are reading is the whole story, and not embelished (and I am NOT saying that it is), OP needs to find a few place for him and his family to train.
<br /> yes, to the best of my knowledge.He may be lacking in some areas but he is very transparent. I plan on making it a safer place to trane. I feel it is my duty and hopefully others will get on board. I am a little dissapointed with my coach, because like everyone else it is his job to make sure we are safe.</blockquote>
I commend you for trying to make it a better place. I don't want to talk badly about your coach. I don't know who it is or anything about him other than what's posted in this thread...but that's kind of what bothers me. A situation like where I train would be handled immediately by the coach or upper belts, and there would be no question afterwords about who was right or wrong, or what's expected out of everyone with respect to this situation. Not saying there would be a beat down or anyting, but someone in charge would certainly step up...and I would not want to train somewhere that didn't happen.
Again though...props to you for setting out to make it a safer place.
Morgz -allchokedup -Morgz -If what we are reading is the whole story, and not embelished (and I am NOT saying that it is), OP needs to find a few place for him and his family to train.
<br /> yes, to the best of my knowledge.He may be lacking in some areas but he is very transparent. I plan on making it a safer place to trane. I feel it is my duty and hopefully others will get on board. I am a little dissapointed with my coach, because like everyone else it is his job to make sure we are safe.</blockquote>
I commend you for trying to make it a better place. I don't want to talk badly about your coach. I don't know who it is or anything about him other than what's posted in this thread...but that's kind of what bothers me. A situation like where I train would be handled immediately by the coach or upper belts, and there would be no question afterwords about who was right or wrong, or what's expected out of everyone with respect to this situation. Not saying there would be a beat down or anyting, but someone in charge would certainly step up...and I would not want to train somewhere that didn't happen.
Again though...props to you for setting out to make it a safer place.
that bothers me also. I dont know who was on the mat that night. My son (blue belt) did tell him something but he is only 16 and very passive. If someone did that to my mom we would be fightng on the spot. Part of me wants to fu&k this guy up good and part of me wants to be nice and explain things to him. How am i any better if i smash the gas on him? Am i teaching him a lesson, like he taught my wife one? I still have not rolled with him but im sure to this week. Pretty sure he is going to get wrecked
nothing wrong with tuning him up a little bit, IMO. I still think your instructor should have stepped in immediately...and if not then, certainly after you brought it to his attention. Sounds like he did, but also sounds like a pretty soft reprimand was given.
Knee ride that fuckers face!
I tell everyone their are no slams, that they should technique their way out of a sub. I also do not allow heel hooks at our gym. Knee bars are for purple and above. I let everyone know from the get go that their safety is my number 1 concern. And I will get rid of any cancer in the gym because money isn't my number 1 concern. I tell everyone to leave their pride at the door and just train. Tap if you have to and restart. Just my opinion.
Morgz -allchokedup -Morgz -If what we are reading is the whole story, and not embelished (and I am NOT saying that it is), OP needs to find a few place for him and his family to train.
<br /> yes, to the best of my knowledge.He may be lacking in some areas but he is very transparent. I plan on making it a safer place to trane. I feel it is my duty and hopefully others will get on board. I am a little dissapointed with my coach, because like everyone else it is his job to make sure we are safe.</blockquote>
I commend you for trying to make it a better place. I don't want to talk badly about your coach. I don't know who it is or anything about him other than what's posted in this thread...but that's kind of what bothers me. A situation like where I train would be handled immediately by the coach or upper belts, and there would be no question afterwords about who was right or wrong, or what's expected out of everyone with respect to this situation. Not saying there would be a beat down or anyting, but someone in charge would certainly step up...and I would not want to train somewhere that didn't happen.
Again though...props to you for setting out to make it a safer place.
This.
Shenanigans of this nature would not take place at my school because
a) coach would not make those pairings - always matches females and newer people carefully.
b) any aggro behavior against a female would be immediately handled by larger purple and up belts making it a long night plus coach would be in their face
Like some have mentioned, I think the fault lies 80% with your instructor, and only 20% with the newbie.
The spazzy newcomer SHOULD no better than slamming a training partner. However, if this is not explicitly told to him, you would be surprised at how many people might do it without thinking of the consequences to their partner.
Your instructor (1) should not have matched them up together (2) should have watched them with 100% attention (3) should not have admonished your wife for it.
For your instructor to give you a BS explanation the next day, and then match them up again, just confuses me.
I also feel badly for your 16 year old son, that had to tell the guy it was wrong for him to do that to his mom- especially when the instructor should have been in his face yelling at him.
Sorry, but I think it's time to find another place to train.
Agree with the posters about finding another place to train.
What kind of environment is the coach creating where it is permissible for ANYONE to get slammed? All noobs need to be conditioned from day 1 to reduce spazziness.