When Chuck Norris goes to donate blood, he declines the syringe, and instead requests a hand gun and a bucket.
There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris allows to live.
When Chuck Norris was born, the nurse said, "Holy crap! That's Chuck Norris!" Then she had had sex with him. At that point, she was the third girl he had slept with.
Chuck Norris once walked down the street with a massive erection. There were no survivors.
Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.
Chuck Norris has always been able to find Waldo, except for one time. He found himself stumped on the last page of Where's Waldo Now?, not being able to find the Waldo without a shoe. He threw the book down and screamed, "This is BULL****!" They're all wearing shoes." He then proceeded to eat the book and exclaim, "IF I CAN'T FIND WALDO, THEN NO ONE CAN!" The book he ate belonged to a child that he had borrowed it from. The child began to cry and Chuck ate him for good measure. The incident has since been refered to as Christmas.
In fine print at on the last page of the Guiness Book of World Records it notes that all world records are held by Chuck Norris, and those listed in the book are simply the closest anyone has ever come to matching him.
You are what you eat. That is why Chuck Norris diet consists entirely of bricks, steel, and the tears of small children.
Chuck Norris can divide by zero.
Chuck Norris can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.
Chuck Norris played Russian Roulete with a fully loaded gun and won.
The eternal conundrum "what happens when an unstoppable force meets an immovable object" was finally solved when Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked himself in the face.
Chuck Norris was the hunter who shot Bambi's Mother. He then wore her carcass like it was a coat while he made his rounds at the local children's hospital.
On his birthday, Chuck Norris randomly selects one lucky child to be thrown into the sun.
Chuck Norris defied MC Hammer and touched it.
Chuck Norris invented black. In fact, he invented the entire spectrum of visible light. Except pink. Tom Cruise invented pink.