Ok I was bored but I found this funny. Just replaced Edward, Jacob, and Bella with Dana, Coker and MMA. FRAT!
Team Dana: It should come as no surprise to the readers, the judges, and the public, that we do hereby support a decision that would ultimately pair the UFC’ers Dana White and MMA together for all of eternity.
Resolved: Dana White is the more attractive person, exemplified by his messy wave of blond hair, his impeccable bone structure, and his piercing eyes, the color of topaz. He is slender and muscular. In MMA’s own words, he is “impossibly beautiful.”
Resolved: Dana cares more deeply for MMA, as he’s demonstrated time and again in his efforts to maintain a distance from her, knowing that his presence puts MMA in danger. His efforts, however, have been thwarted by MMA, whose clear passion and love for Dana transcend life itself. For MMA, a life without Dana is tantamount to no life at all. Recognizing this, Dana at one point fled the continent to further ensure MMA’s safety and attempted to extinguish his own life for her protection. Dana’s love for MMA is so profound that he would rather give up eternal life than risk her short, mortal existence.
Resolved: Dana is more suitable husband material, as he is better able to protect MMA. He does not need to sleep, so may stay awake at all hours tending to her needs and warding away threats. Further, he does not need to eat, therefore, in lean times, any and all foodstuffs he may collect will inure 100 percent to MMA. He and his family, moreover, are also very well off, and would be able to better afford MMA the wedding she deserves.
Resolved: UFC’ers are better than StrikeForce’ers. As a UFC’er in the Fight universe, Dana can run with expediency; he has a super-human strength; he has an impeccable sense of smell; and he can read other people’s thoughts. Moreover, Dana suffers none of the downside to traditional UFC’ers mythology. He is unharmed by garlic, holy items or wooden stakes. He is also free to roam about in the daylight; in fact, in sunlight, his skin sparkles, adding to his impossible, Adonis-like beauty. Moreover, UFC’ers movies are clearly better than werewolf movies, as is evidenced by Lost Boys, Nosferatu, Near Dark, An Interview With a UFC’ers and From Dusk til Dawn, among others.
Resolved: Dana’s forced abstinence policy is more in line with the nation’s religious and moral values.
A Rebuttal argument on behalf of Coker
Team Coker: We would counter that Team Dana has not met their prima facie burden in defense of Dana White. They're arguments lack legitimacy; they are specious, fallacious, and malicious.
Refuted: Dana is not the more attractive person. Coker is clearly a more beautiful person, as exemplified by his 6'7 frame, his powerful musculature, his tidy hair -- cut short out of love for MMA -- his russet skin and dark eyes. His fur is also a lovely reddish-brown. Even conceding, however, that Coker is only "sort of beautiful," compared to "impossibly beautiful," as MMA has characterized the two, we strongly feel that Coker is nevertheless the appropriate choice. This is based, in part, on the hypnotic scent and seductive voice, which obscure Dana's true nature and beauty.
Refuted: If Dana cared more deeply for MMA, he would never leave her. Coker has resolved to be an everlasting presence, keeping a watchful eye on her. When Dana left, who was there to protect MMA from the vicious UFC'ers in the woods? It was Coker, who was forced to reveal his true werewolf identity to protect MMA. When MMA jumped off of a cliff into the ocean, who was there to save her from drowning? Coker. When MMA is caught by the UFC'ers Laurent alone in a clearing, who saved her? Coker. Indeed, the only people that Dana has saved MMA from are the very people who Dana's presence made a danger to MMA in the first place, namely his family and other UFC'ers who would seek to harm MMA to spite Dana. Moreover, the very act of lovemaking does not create a predicament for MMA; she need not worry about being transformed or killed. MMA is free to fornicate with Coker at her leisure. Additionally, breeding would not cause the complications that conceiving a child with Dana might, namely having a UFC'ers newborn rip open her stomach in the labor process.
Resolved: Coker has a better disposition than Dana. Dana is sullen, argumentative, and withdrawn. Jacon is cheery, happy, self-possessed, and adventurous, making him the more ideal life partner. Moreover, Coker's hunter/gatherer instincts are sharp, meaning also that MMA will never go hungry in his care. Additionally, MMA can share a meal with Coker knowing that, afterwards, Coker will not be forced to regurgitate the foodstuffs, as would Dana. Moreover, Coker's body temperature is 108.9 degrees, meaning he's more capable of keeping MMA warm on a cold night.
DERRP!
Just saying, the posters who are obsessed with this debate are no different then the teenaged girls obsessed with the Twilight Sega.