In the latest episode of OMR I got to discuss a ton of topics with husband and wife, Tyler and Jena Bishop. Jena is a blackbelt and Tyler is a brownbelt. They have an awesome relationship and jiu jitsu is a big piece of their lives. We did discuss how romance in the academy can be a tricky thing. I've seen some very public successs and some public failures in jiu jitsu romances over the years.
Does your school have any standards regarding dating within the aacademy? What do you think about dating a teammate?
If you're interested in the interview you can check it out here
What you do on your own time is not at all relevant to the people you pay money to provide you with a service. If you start developing friendships, it gets more complicated. Especially if there are sour breakups with senior people.
Jesus Bjj is getting more like a religion everyday. Because you pay a measly 100 a month you are going to let another person tell you who you can and can't date?
most chicks that train are nasty even the hot ones they try too much to be like men
the whitebelts are the most attractive, not these chicks who want to train like men, shake your hand like a man, etc. you guys know what I'm talking about.
Im currently in a situation , id like some opinions
I am a Black belt Instructor / own an academy / Run a pretty good reputable place approx. 60-70 students/ family atmosphere / we all get along great/ assholes dont usually last or fit in .
ok , No real names to protect the innocent/ guilty
Guy #A We'll call him "Tito" begins dating a female we'll call her "Monica" / She trains once in awhile but her 6 year old son is a great competitor and her son has been there a few years.
She begin dating and move in soon thereafter,
Rocky relationaship/ alot of drama/ his MMA career is mediocre / struggles to make weight for fights/ lots of partying and womanizing.
Monica finally gets fed up and dumps him / dramatic break up/ she begs him back / he says no / he begs her back she says no / finally the dust settles.
During this break up time she begins talking to an MMA coach , we'll call him "Johnny" who uses my facility to train fighters after Jiu jitsu classes
Tito occasionally trains with this team but is inconsistant and rarely trains.
Long story short Johnny and Monica hook up / Tito is devastated ( I believe EGO more than anything / considers himself a local MMA hero with an Ammy record of 1-3 and a Pro record of 1-0.
Tito was always late to pay/ problematic/ called a Diva at the gym.
He calls me and tells me , I cant train jiu jitsu there if Monica and Johnny are associated with the academy/ I cant stand the sight of them and Its a huge distraction / they need to leave/ I explained the situation to him in simple terms/ break up was his fault/ what did they do TO ME to warrant me telling them to leave etc etc
well Johnny and monica are still there and many do not even know they are a couple/
Tito is somewhere training in Mexico and a star at a boxing gym
WTF?????? does anyone else have to deal with this shit!!!!
RobbieMorales - Im currently in a situation , id like some opinions
I am a Black belt Instructor / own an academy / Run a pretty good reputable place approx. 60-70 students/ family atmosphere / we all get along great/ assholes dont usually last or fit in .
ok , No real names to protect the innocent/ guilty
Guy #A We'll call him "Tito" begins dating a female we'll call her "Monica" / She trains once in awhile but her 6 year old son is a great competitor and her son has been there a few years.
She begin dating and move in soon thereafter,
Rocky relationaship/ alot of drama/ his MMA career is mediocre / struggles to make weight for fights/ lots of partying and womanizing.
Monica finally gets fed up and dumps him / dramatic break up/ she begs him back / he says no / he begs her back she says no / finally the dust settles.
During this break up time she begins talking to an MMA coach , we'll call him "Johnny" who uses my facility to train fighters after Jiu jitsu classes
Tito occasionally trains with this team but is inconsistant and rarely trains.
Long story short Johnny and Monica hook up / Tito is devastated ( I believe EGO more than anything / considers himself a local MMA hero with an Ammy record of 1-3 and a Pro record of 1-0.
Tito was always late to pay/ problematic/ called a Diva at the gym.
He calls me and tells me , I cant train jiu jitsu there if Monica and Johnny are associated with the academy/ I cant stand the sight of them and Its a huge distraction / they need to leave/ I explained the situation to him in simple terms/ break up was his fault/ what did they do TO ME to warrant me telling them to leave etc etc
well Johnny and monica are still there and many do not even know they are a couple/
Tito is somewhere training in Mexico and a star at a boxing gym
WTF?????? does anyone else have to deal with this shit!!!!
You mean you have humans at your gym? And some of them make bad decisions? Yes other gyms also have humans at them
I don't see what the problem is as long as both parties are mature about it. Unfortunately, that's not often the case. I dated a training partner for about 2.5 years and it was great to spend time together on the mat. But we ended up breaking up and it was weird for awhile and other than us never rolling together anymore we've both been adults about it and nothing's spilled over into the academy.
I can see why an instructor or gym owner wouldn't want inter-gym relationships, but you don't really have the right to tell other adults what to do outside of class. If a guy (or lady) is just trying to hook up with training partners that's i guess a different story but how do you distinguish? I've heard some "mat bunny" stories out there of ladies joining gyms and sleeping with numerous guys there but never personally experienced it at our gym.
There is damn near never any women training at my gym, and the few who do are married. The only standards at my gym is to not be a dirt ass and shower before you show up. Oh and to try not and break each other.
Spc Lee Lohff - What you do on your own time is not at all relevant to the people you pay money to provide you with a service. If you start developing friendships, it gets more complicated. Especially if there are sour breakups with senior people.
i disagree. especially in BJJ, what you do on your own time is sometimes extremely relevant to the people who provide a service because when you start screwing over other people who are sharing the service, you can be personally responsible for driving away paying customers or disrupting an otherwise positive and helpful learning environment with your behavior off the mats
from a business stand point it's not easy to set up a policy that polices the personal business of students, so i'm not advocating that, but to say "i can do whatever i want cause i pay for this service" is just wrong. i'm seeing this bullshit causing all sorts of unnecessary drama at my school, so if anybody has any good ideas i'm all ears.
I have never seen it end up in anything but drama with one person leaving after the break up. I'm sure there are happy stories, but I don't they are the norm.
It's a tricky situation. It sounds cool to date a chick who has interest in the same thing as you but if you break up it could get weird. Especially if you start dating other people at the gym. Best not to shit in your own backyard
Ultimately, owners need to look at the fallout of the inevitable dating/breakups as a cost of doing business.
If you choose to run a facility where people come to pursue a hobby, you're going to end up dealing with romances and drama at some point. Sometimes it will end with lost students, but that's true of many things. Sometimes you've got to deal with aggressive meatheads, sometimes you've got to deal with crybabies, sometimes you've got to deal with financial cheapskates, etc. . . . and sometimes you've got to deal with relationships and breakups.
Sure, you can make a rule "prohibiting" dating. But it will never be respected and you just end up looking weak for being unable to enforce your own "rules."
The solution--to the extent such a thing exists--is to require that outside drama not effect what happens on the mat or the environment in the school. When that happens, you have to be prepared to ask somebody (or multiple people) to leave. It's tough, but that's just the way it is. If you can't handle that, then you need to get into another line of work.
In the latest episode of OMR I got to discuss a ton of topics with husband and wife, Tyler and Jena Bishop. Jena is a blackbelt and Tyler is a brownbelt. They have an awesome relationship and jiu jitsu is a big piece of their lives. We did discuss how romance in the academy can be a tricky thing. I've seen some very public successs and some public failures in jiu jitsu romances over the years.
Does your school have any standards regarding dating within the aacademy? What do you think about dating a teammate?
If you're interested in the interview you can check it out here
My regular weight lifting gym has a strict no-dating other members policy.
In addition to the usual boiler plate stuff on the contract you also have to wear patches when you train and buy the club uniform.
Im also not allowed to train at other facilities; that would make me a creonte.
My BJJ club is much more flexible. I can train in appropriate, sensible attire. Any Gi for the pajama classes, and loose fitting clothing for no-gi. The personal life of members are just that; the owners would never presume to inquire or dictate on that topic: it would be fucking crazy right? LOL. I'm free to train anywhere else as well, and the club has an open door policy.
