Guys who use academy as dating pool.

Underground BJJ Ground
41

PrisonMattressPuncher -


Really, it is none of your business. If you told me I couldn't date someone i would laugh in your face. People make bodily contact, closeness, etc. If they wish to pursue a chick, without it making the class uncomfortable, then it is none of anyone's business. Even in class, if the female likes the pursuit, then who cares?



Sure, you lose $$ but that is life. Start an all female class

M'eh.

If it's my academy and your conduct could cost me money, then it is by definition "my business."

That said, I understand you can't ( and shouldn't) run folks personal lives outside of the school.

So my solution would be as I said above: Dating presents risks to the school and is therefore against school policy, but there's no punishment for doing it anyway; however, you should know I disapprove because of the risks involved and if it causes problems then one or both of you are gone.

That allows for relationships that cause no problems while still elevating the well-being of the school over your personal conquests. Seems as fair of a solution as is possible.

If you don't like it, look elsewhere.

That'd be my approach. Phone Post 3.0

42

I've seen a few of the younger (and 1 of the older) students make little comments on fb on "wish I would meet a bjj girlfriend" and stuff like that, but I haven't seen any inappropriate behaviour in the gym, at this place.
My first gym I trained at had several stripclub bouncers (meathead mma gym) and it was a revolving door with strippers coming in with too much make-up, and several students swore the owner was making porn in there too.

My personal opinion, HELL NO, I wouldn't want to date in the gym, that's MY time, on top of the actual training its also my disconnect from the world time, its where I go to escape the nagging from home.

We also have a decent amount of women at the gym (several married) and they seem to be able to look out for each other. Phone Post

43

Bad for business.

44

Where do I begin lol.I've been in business 25 plus years and have many stories because of my teachings.I tell my students NOW, NO Drama at my school. If they have met at my school and split up my track record has been 1 stays the other leaves. When I started I was young dumb and full of cum. Now I'm 56 still rob the cradle but I have to get paid not laid!

45

YES I also throw out of my school pervs,bullies and fatal attractions TGIF

46

Recent example:
Dude starts dating chick at our gym. He cheats on her and everyone knows but her. We are all left holding that secret even though we don't want to.
Then, she starts confiding in us that he is abusive. Now we are all in the middle of it. A group of us decide to stop talking to them and answering their calls.
They both leave our gym. Awesome, right? Phone Post 3.0

47

PrisonMattressPuncher - 
MTH - 
PrisonMattressPuncher -


Really, it is none of your business. If you told me I couldn't date someone i would laugh in your face. People make bodily contact, closeness, etc. If they wish to pursue a chick, without it making the class uncomfortable, then it is none of anyone's business. Even in class, if the female likes the pursuit, then who cares?



Sure, you lose $$ but that is life. Start an all female class

M'eh.

If it's my academy and your conduct could cost me money, then it is by definition "my business."

That said, I understand you can't ( and shouldn't) run folks personal lives outside of the school.

So my solution would be as I said above: Dating presents risks to the school and is therefore against school policy, but there's no punishment for doing it anyway; however, you should know I disapprove because of the risks involved and if it causes problems then one or both of you are gone.

That allows for relationships that cause no problems while still elevating the well-being of the school over your personal conquests. Seems as fair of a solution as is possible.

If you don't like it, look elsewhere.

That'd be my approach. Phone Post 3.0


Meh,



I am PAYING you to teach my BJJ, not to intrude on whom i see. ANYTHING that causes drama at a school should be a concern, of course, but I pay you and then ignore your school "rules" for consenting adults. Sure, you can have rules about behavior IN the school, but whether or not someone dates someone or whatever is not your concern and a cost of doing business.



Personally, from what I have seen, meatheads are more of a problem at schools, then people 'dating'.



 



I agree about "meatheads."  No instructor should tolerate them either.  If you as an instructor are sensitive enough about your school environment to care about students dating, you better care about meatheads as well.



That said, yes, of course you're paying for me to teach you BJJ.  But that doesn't mean I have to take your money or teach you only on whatever terms you prefer.  I have other students to worry about, not just you.  Like any transaction, I can offer my services on certain terms, and you can agree to them or not.  But if you agree, then you agree and I have the right to enforce them.



As demonstrated by the existence of this thread, students dating is an odd "middle ground" type of topic.  If it goes well or is handled with maturity by all involved, then it's likely totally irrelevant to a school environment.  But if it goes poorly or is handled with drama, then it could sour the school environment and drive away students. 



Instructors have no interest in controlling the former, but they certainly have an interest in controlling the latter. 



That, again, is why I say if I had a school, my express, written policy agreed to by all students would be that dating is prohibited but that there will be no punishment for merely breaking this prohibition.  You simply know that you're doing something I would rather you do not, whether that means anything to you or not is up to you.  However, I would reserve the right to ask you (or anyone else) that is souring the environment with romantic entanglements to leave. 



So if it turns out that you two are in fact the love of each other's life and no drama follows you, then so be it.  I'll admit I was wrong to ever disapprove, and we'll all laugh about it at your black belt promotion.  But if it turns out that one or both of you is a drama queen or a troublemaker, then you may find yourself looking elsewhere for training. 



Honestly, I really think that's the best way to handle the issue while recognizing the interests of all involved..

48

I feel like there's two sides to the topic: 1) The guys that are just trying to get laid, hitting on chicks at the school, making them uncomfortable, or just generally causing problems. And 2) normal people that become interested in each other and date. The first group I'd tell them to cut the shit out and to conduct themselves maturely while at the school, but you can't really do anything about the second because I think that's overstepping your bounds.

I dated a girl that I train with for over 2 years. We broke up earlier this year and it was extremely weird for a long time (still is, actually), but we both understood the situation and there's been zero drama because we are adults about it and saved any fighting or talking for outside of class. Any time you bring men and women together as often as some of us train, there's going to be connections made, that shouldn't be a surprise to anyone. If you want 0% chance of that happening then like somebody else said have a separate men's and women's class.

49

People have a basic right to whatever consensual relationships they want on their own time outside of training, but every paying customer/student has the right to a safe, comfortable and professional training atmosphere, and the business owner has a responsibility to provide it. It's not like it's a huge inconvenience not to be able to hit on women, fight with someone you're having problems with or be outwardly physical with someone you're sexually involved with for the 1-2 hours you're training a few times a week.

Also, comparatively speaking there're barely any women doing wrestling or BJJ relative to boxing, kickboxing or other striking styles and it's pretty easy to see why. They're uncomfortable about the level of contact which, let's be honest, looks pretty intimate from the perspective of someone who doesn't understand what's going on. A business owner or instructor may have to work hard to ease a new female student's concerns by reassuring them over and over that there's nothing inherently sexual about BJJ and that they'll be treated the same as any new student regardless of gender. Now she walks into the class and there're male students whose first instinct is to hit on them? They'll never come back, and the art of BJJ loses what might have been a great addition.

50

ChokeTheFace - Randy, do you have anymore of those patches or T's with the skeleton in the gi is riding a tube? I'd like to purchase one. Phone Post 3.0


Didn't see if anyone answered this, but the Randy you are looking for is Randy Bloom.  I only remember that bc I thought that shirt was awesome and got an email from him with some instructions for purchase, but I flaked and never sent away for it.

51

I agree with green machine.
The former needs to chose different hunting grounds. The latter needs to just be tolerated.
If they break up I would reach out to the girl and encourage her to stay.
I would also reach out to the guy and tell him to not try to push her out.
Its the "bros before hos" that is more of a problem than a break up. Phone Post

52

People can do whatever the hell they want. On my mat during my classes I won't tolerate that bullshit. That is not the place or time to be trying to get laid. From a female perspective imaging having to pull guard on some asshole who just tried to hit you up. I demand an safe professional atmosphere on my mat. Anything less is poison.

53

End of thread:)

54

My personal rule is if I date a girl I know from the gym they would have to ask me out and I would have to have known them for a decent amount of time. If I am attracted to one then I generally avoid them. The gym is my place to get away from problems so I am not going to look for ways to fuck that up.

55

What does everyone feel the general consensus is? Answers appear to be pretty mixed. It doesn't seem like a yes or no answer would answer this question. The answer is likely a more complex one on a case by case basis. Phone Post

56

Are you kidding Randy?a If guys are walking around the gym hitting on girls it's pure poison. They will and already have driven members away. No doubt. From a financial standpoint it's a no brainer. From a gym vibe standpoint it's a no brainer. If you want women at your gym it's a no brainer. This shit just doesn't happen.

57

When I see a "Romeo" in class I make it a point to roll with him.  I take his back, seatbelt grip, and whisper that I always thought he was handsome and begin to rub my nose on the back of his neck.  When Romeo starts freaking out, I tell him "I like it when you struggle".  I try not to enjoy it but it's hard sometimes.

58

"When I see a "Romeo" in class I make it a point to roll with him.  I take his back, seatbelt grip, and whisper that I always thought he was handsome and begin to rub my nose on the back of his neck.  When Romeo starts freaking out, I tell him "I like it when you struggle".  I try not to enjoy it but it's hard sometimes"

Hilarity. Pure gold. Phone Post